sorry you find yourself here, but after reading your first post I think it can be the start of a major life 180 for you. Your H is a manipulator, and you have allowed yourself to be prey time and again. He opened up your marriage with his affair. You opened up your marriage to another person at his insistence. Given the recent affair, this seems like enabling behavior. Why did you go along with your H on this? What is your husband doing to battle his addiction? What are you doing to become stronger?
Your husband "felt" this pregnancy was laid upon him out of his control??? I think I would have lost it if I were you. Did your husband ever take a grade school Sex-Ed class? Getting pregnant requires certain things, obviously those were within his control.
You need to stay firm on your boundaries and not allow your H into your life for the parts he wants but not for the parts he doesn't. Your H needs so much help it is almost unbelievable. And his parents taking him in? How old are we here?? I know some may disagree with me, but I think when humans grow up and move out they need to stay out unless they are gravely ill or injured. This is a boundary issue he probably has that he learned from his family. I mean think about it, he has a newborn kid, a sex addiction, multiple affairs and his parents take him in because he can't be burdened to meet the needs of his wife and mother of his child. If that was my kid I'd give him a swift kick in the "butt".
You say you're not sure how to move forward if you reconcile, I hate to say it but you are nowhere near ready for that and neither is he. Your husband is a manchild. His parents enable that. You enabled that for a long time unfortunately. Now that the dynamic has changed a bit, he "doesn't even know what to say to you right now". That is pathetic. But there's also nothing you can do about this, so you have to let it go.
Why do you feel like you owe it to him to let him check in on you? If I were you, and he asked me how I was doing, I'd say "my husband cheated on me AGAIN, abandoned me yet still wants to talk to me, I have a newborn child that he is never around, my husband has an addiction he doesn't care to work on, and he wants to blame me for everything. How do you think I feel?". That may not be the right thing to say, but it is the reality of your situation right now. Do not lose touch with reality over the emotions that are keeping you tied to your H!!!
You are also lying to your H about why you aren't answering his calls. Then you two play games where he gets mad if you don't text back or call back quick enough. End the games. Is the constant communication working for you? Do you like him dropping in and out of your life as he pleases? You are comfortable playing the victim and making the bad guy, let's get you out of the victim role.
I think I've written way too much but I feel really bad for you. We can probably continue to talk in smaller bits at a time so keep posting here!!
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
