WAS or WHAT 11

[roist]

Gordie, wrote you a long detailed reply which I subsequently lost. Aghhh! Anyway I will reply again here with the time available to me.

I wrote:
> Gave her credit for staying although checked out as most people just leave
> acknowledged that that cannot have been easy for her
> Stated that I don't know how much longer I will continue to live together disconnected
> this isn't how I see myself living nor the example that I want for our sons
> stated wanted to be with someone I could form a team with, laugh with, discus anything. to comfort, to support and be affectionate. I want those in return
> mostly I just wanted to share my life with someone who wants to be with me
> stated that although interested in how she saw us going forward that I wasn't absolutely looking for a reply from here. I just wanted to clarify my thoughts. Restated it wasn't a threat or effort to coerce anything

My W was reluctant to take the letter stating that it isn't how adults communicate. I calmly stated a letter allowed me to calmly say what I had to say and not get side tracked. She asked my purpose and I said I had no hidden motive but wanted to explain my thinking. She thanked me for taking the time to write it for her and that she would read it later. The letter moved around a lot over the following week, so I am sure it was read

As I stated earlier in this thread, I felt that I was at a crossroads and if I decided that I was no longer willing to live like this, I wanted to follow Michelle's advice and give notice that this situation is not suiting me and I may decide to find my own solution. I think I may have said that to her and she focalised a lot on "MY" solution. I didn't allow myself to be pushed to expand that, but said I was willing to change anything and everything to have a better life. No mention of W or M from me.

Also following Michelle's advice I have taken a step further back from W. This isn't a tactic, I just am not enthused by how we interact. So I fill my time with other stuff, without shutting W out completely.

Anyway I feel we are getting along terribly at the moment, yet I have noticed the following:
# W puts legs across mine more and more often when watching TV together
# W has insisted using newly acquired communication techniques (probably learned at parenting workshops she does) to get my views on stuff
# W has been active at finding us stuff to do together as a family and sometimes as a couple (though not coupley stuff)

My reading of the situation is that she is definitely interested in promoting the family unit, isn't against doing stuff together. Maybe I am just hung up on resentment or am just tired of it all, that I am not encouraging the positives as much as I probably should. At the weekend I came across some advice that a M specialist gave me three years ago, a year into my struggle. He said she seemed stuck and as long as she has the family she may remain stuck.

That's all I have time for today. Thanks for reading.