Hi Ranch, what are your ages and how long have you been married? Your H sounds like a serial cheater, you mentioned he had an A a year ago but honestly it sounds like it never ended, or another immediately took it's place. If he's talking to someone 10-20 times a day then he's engaged in at least an emotional affair with that person if not a full-on physical affair. EA's are generally regarded here as being just as dangerous and damaging as PA's.
Originally Posted by RanchRKS
My H had confessed to possible sex addiction during the revelation of the A and I blew him off at the time as it felt like a cop out for lots of bad behavior over lots of years.
Given what has transpired since then do you feel this is a more serious problem than you originally suspected?
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began to push for a threesome...I turned down the idea. He said it was disrespectful that I wouldn't entertain his fantasies and that it was very hard for him to share these with me. He has a history of sharing fantasies with me, and whether I like them or not, they typically come to fruition...I wasn't prepared for this particular one to manifest.
Would you say he's controlling and manipulative? It sure sounds like it, but sometimes the person that is being controlled doesn't realize it is going on. I am amazed that he called YOU disrespectful for wanting to remain monogamous!!! HE is the one that was being disrespectful by forcing that upon you against your wishes.
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The partying and sexual dynamic changed when I got pregnant and I was no longer able to participate in the things my husband was doing anymore which became incredibly lonely.
So he continued the partying without you? I'm just reading a lot of control, manipulation and lack of respect for you in this. I'm surprised you aren't the one leaving.
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He replaced his motorcycle with a more expensive one, stayed later at work, and became closer friends with an older woman who became his confidant in hard times.
With everything else you've said I strongly suspect the "staying later at work" was actually a side affair going on.
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He felt that the pregnancy was laid on him against his control and that my irresponsibility with taking my pill had left his life in a place he didn't intend on so quickly so, this "friend" seemed to understand all of this and gave him an ear to bend.
Oh poor him! My ex and I had two kids and decided we were done. She too was on the pill. The pill is "99.9% effective", and we learned how real that 0.1% can be. She became pregnant. I never got angry, never blamed her. I did get upset (she did too) because we were both in our 40's at the time but we sat down and said we are going to embrace this and make it work. Our son is 16 now and we both love him to pieces. THIS is what grown, mature people do. Your husband is acting like a spoiled little brat, and you seem oblivious to it!
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I did the opposite of what you'd expect and decided to turn a blind eye to it and put MORE trust in him as I didn't want to overreact.
I'm not sure it's possible to "overreact" considering he has lied to you, cheated on you, disrespected you and blamed you for everything negative in his life. I think maybe you should START to react to this, instead of pining away for him it's time to see him for the piece of garbage he is and focus on you and your D. Leave him be. DO NOT let him come back home. If he wants to, then tell him he has a LOT of work to do on himself first. He is a hot mess, he needs some heavy counseling. I'm sure he doesn't see it that way though, because he is more than likely a narcissist.
I could say more about him but it's just going to be more like the above! Read DR. Detach. Work on you. Leave him alone and hopefully he'll start working on some of his issues.
