Can he change? Yes of course he can. There is always the chance that he will become the sort of H that you envision him being. Will he change is another matter.
BUT .....you can't force that change and you can't sacrifice your own values and beliefs just so that you can continue in the R.
I rather suspect that his 'confidence' will lead him to believe at this stage that he has no need to change. It may dawn on him with time and he may decide to make the necessary changes - but that's for him to sort.
We're more interested in you. I get the co dependency thing when you've been together from a young age. You will have been very impressionable (you were 16, how old was he?) However, I'm sure you don't need us to tell you that not knowing who you are if you are not his wife is not healthy (but happens to lots of us)
Your job over the coming weeks / months / years is to read all these links above and start to work out who you are as an individual. What do you like, what things do you want to do with your life, what do you find interesting, what makes you who you are, what are your core beliefs. You've obviously put his desires before your own, literally and figuratively. It's your turn now.
How do you do that? With time. Opt out of all the drama and trying to please him and take as much time as you need to find yourself.
