It reads like you had a marriage whereby you willingly (?) participated in his sexual fantasies and in fact enabled them.
I would say that, yes, I have enabled the behavior. There are some things I didn't explain in the original post. We have been together since I was 16 so, the intensity and dynamics have changed quite a bit through the years but, things I used to be willing to do became less appealing as incidents involving other women began to occur. I used to be incredibly insecure when we first met and he was very confident. I felt that he was attracted to me sexually and this made me feel great but he also used to be very sweet and sensitive...he was very charming so he was a great mixture of both it seemed. I always felt like we had a great sex life and I was always willing to perform and try new things. He began sexting and video chatting other women and this began to color how I felt about continuing the acts. His sensitivity and lovingness seemed to die down, and I began feeling like more of an annoyance. The increased intensity of the fantasies began to make me feel used but I was afraid he would leave if I didn't participate and I felt like a prude when I didn't.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
So he asked you if you still want to be married to him. Do you? Only if the sexual dynamic changes? At any cost?
I do, but I want a loving, respectful version of him. I have a religious conviction that also plays part in reinforcing my commitment so I feel very strongly against divorce but I would also say we share a very codependent relationship where I'm honestly not sure who I would be if not his wife.
Originally Posted by Yorkie
Has there ever been a discussion about your dissatisfaction with these lifestyle choices? Were there any boundaries set?
There has been some but I'd say I've never intentionally set and enforced boundaries so I've just taken whatever I can get at this point to keep the relationship intact. I do believe we started out with a sweet, intimate and loving relationship, but there has been little to no care given to the health of it and I'd say we've both let it waywardly become whatever it has become. I'd like to begin being a better influence and creating a stronger foundation for my future whether it's with him or not, but I'm having a hard time imagining the latter. I'm always open to suggestion for improvement and I feel like there's plenty of room for that!
