Quote: Although there are some great examples here, it is something I am so confused about. I am the type that needs a recipe. OK, so letting him plan something, that's good, right? And letting him comfort me would probably be good, if I know him as well as I think I do. What else?
Man, am I bad at this? I also was raised to be a strong woman. One of my earliest memories is of my mother constantly wearing a t shirt (in the early 70s) that read "A Woman's place is in the House... AND in the Senate." That was my role model, and she never taught me to be weakly attractive to my man. She taught me to handle whatever life threw at me.
I have a feeling many of us here are suffering from the same issues. How to balance being feminine with being self sufficient.
I'm startin to feel outnumbered here!
Let's see if I can explain help clarify this from a male's POV ... No man (or woman) is an island. This is not to be confused with being needy or being a confident, independent person. Its about letting another get more involved in your daily life. Its not about requiring help but accepting help when offered or even asking ... not because you need it ... but to show how you appreciate another's involvement.
Example, its rare that one requires help in preparing a meal, but to share in doing the task together can bring about an heighten sense of togetherness. You could grab a chair so you can grab that can on the top shelf that is out of your reach, but instead by asking for his help in getting the can is an offering of showing how you appreciate what he does for you, simply by asking ... and of course re-enforced with a thank you kiss on the cheek afterwards
It can be that small and that simple on the day to day level, here's a short list to help get the creative juices flowing ...
- Helping out in the day to day tasks & routine that you usually do on your own.
- Helping find solutions to problems you usually solve on your own.
- Using him as a sounding board to bounce ideas off of. When it becomes more comfortable in doing this, you can delve deeper by expressing your feelings and emotions.
- When he wants let him run with a solution or take care of somehing as a favor to you.
- When he offers to come to your aide, let him. Picture yourself as the cliche image of the beauty stranded by a car with a flat tire.
- give him the oppurtunity to be the gentleman. Let him open doors for you. Pull out the chair for you to sit upon. Offer you his coat, etc...
The vulnerability is not about showing him you need him, but to show him you want his involvement in the way you go about leading your life.
