She begged for help so many times. And I just felt that my job was more important. I felt that being a provider was something all husbands needed to do.
Providing for your family is a very important part of being a good H, however, all your time and energy should not go to your job. With that said, I want to point out something.....and please know that I am not picking on you. I'm just trying to help you get your life more balanced.
Look at your goals:
- Bench 185lbs. in 3 sets of 10 reps. - Get a consistent paid gig for my photography - Lose another 20-30 pounds. - Become indispensable at my job.
Nobody is indispensable. If you quit today, your job would find someone to replace you. If you try to become indispensable, you become a slave to that job 24/7. I'm not saying you should goof off and not do what you were hired to do. Do your very best........and then stop working when the workday is over. Sacrificing your M and family is too high a price to pay for any job. Nobody on their deathbed has been recorded as wishing they had spent more time on the job. I hope this was just your way of wording, maybe to encourage motivation, but since you put so much attention toward your job in the past.......that goal jumped out at me.
Sandi, I see how me stating the job goal parallels to my behaviors at my old job prior to BD. Whether I worded it one way or the other does not matter. It's a realization that I need more balance in my life and give my family the attention they deserve.
I am happy to say that I don't take my work home with me. When the workday is over, it stays in the office. I just really enjoy my job. It was one of the things that saved my life and I feel that doing a great job is my way of paying them back.
Originally Posted by sandi2
Okay, so what about GAL? What do you do for fun? All work and no play means an imbalanced lifestyle.
I've been lagging hard. My day without D4 consists of 8-5 workday, then afterward, I lift, and go to a coffee shop and read or go into the city and...read.
My GAL has been mostly reflecting on myself and addressing it, whether it's physical (gym), or mental/emotional (I read books, other people's sitches on this forum, and sometimes watch YouTube videos on improving myself.). All of the activities I mentioned are things I do alone. I am a very sociable person and get along great with people. I am just having a very hard time expanding it to my GAL.
I'm trying to branch out using Meetup to interact with other folks. I am just not putting in enough effort.
Day 175,
WW is still doing WW stuff. She told me that she the day off and booked a spa and nail appointment tomorrow. She is spending the night in the city. So she asked me whether she should take D4 with her to spend the night so that she does not have to drive home early so that I can go to work, or she comes in early the next morning in time to pick up D4 and...take her to the city. I just think she is making excuses to see OM2. She could have spent the night in the house, but for some reason (OM2)she wants to spend it in the city.
It's crap like that that hurts me and gets me angry. But I know that questioning and throwing her WW decisions in her face is a terrible idea. Especially in light of how much my anger caused this. WW has been doing WW stuff for over a year now, but she has told me that she gave me many opportunities to R, but I acted with my emotions and squashed those opportunities. Don't get me wrong, in hindsight, I am happy that we did not R, because I would not have been able to address my issues. Now that I am on the path of improvement, I can work on attracting WW back by being the man she always wanted. She is still sniffing, but she may have cooled a little since I decided to warm up a little. I'm still DBing, but I'm wondering how I can tweak my behaviors to keep her interest piqued while not outright pursuing her. I am still working on improvements for the benefit of myself. If WW comes back, great. I am seeing working on some of WW's behaviors that indicate as such. They're little, but they are showing up.
WS are confusing, aggravating folks. But at least I'm getting better at how to deal with them.
