MLC husband

[Rita]

Kate11, be glad that he is still maintaining the mask at work. My H is the same as far as teenager not helping. He is the worst roommate anyone could ever have. He hasn't done a dish or taken out the trash or cleaned or tidied, let alone fixed even the most dire repair issues around our house/business, since BD. And he often complains about the house being untidy when I can't do it. But my H can't function at work. He barely works and gives me no money for kids or house and until I said started to say NO after he filed, took money. He continues to help himself to groceries and car, etc.

If you were a person of faith, I would just advise you to pray for him everyday and to pray over what you observe -- e.g., Lord, lift the spirit of despair and depression from my H's heart. Help him to feel comforted.

Or how about going all the way -- Lord, let my husband sink deeper and deeper accordingly to your plan for his life! I know he has to reach rock bottom to begin to wake up again, and I am ready to bear that for him and for the sake of our family.

If you aren't a praying person, maybe there is a way to give him to the universe in a similar fashion each day.

Recently I found something I had written just after bomb drop, listing each expectation I had had for marriage and for my H and giving it up. I was supposed to mail it to myself a year later. The things on that list are so far from anything I would ever expect now, it was both sobering and inspiring to see how far I have come. I recommend it. On your list can be, "I expected my H to help around the house and to not sink into depression."

I agree with another post that you should live your life but I would cut out all parts of the advice that include what effect it might have on him or anything that implies that you want him to notice. That won't work, in my experience, and it also will keep you in a state of watching him. Instead, just focus on how to be a light to your family and what you want to do with your life whether or not he is there so that you can try to have some joy in between what you have to bear. You just started this path, your H is not going to change anytime soon.

But I have faith that if you can wait it out in love, there is hope no matter how dead the M looks.