I had a picture of you in my head riding your bike four bags hanging from handles and loaded backpack. Take a taxi! Don’t worry about the few bucks right now. Of course that is from me, living in a different climate than you. It is -32 degrees today, windchill is -44. That is all in Celsius, so in Fahrenheit - lets see - 5/9th add 32 carry the one, stand on one foot, spin and - its damn cold!
Ok actual meanful (hopefully) advice.
How soon do you want, think, desire, can reasonable expect a separation agreement?
During this time I would not recommend rocking the boat too much. You are attempting to get things signed, and he is showing interest in the same.
The car has been used and scheduled like this for quite some time. You have not asserted your stand on this matter, and now feel like it is time you should. A most excellent response. However, the timing is now not great - that deal in the works.
For a short while I would, breath deeply, let it go, let him win this one, all for the bigger picture. Keep things the same, things appear from my vantage to be working in your favour for the upcoming agreements. Do not mess with things that are working.
I know that appears contradictory; remember the last time we spoke about this your situation was different or atleast your view of it was different, because of H’s unshared plans.
So, seriously. Take a taxi, or Uber, or friend, or rent a car, or bus (well not rent a bus, take a bus, I really should just move that bus part instead of writing this long bit, but I think you need a smile, probably a hug too (((Gerda))) )
You get the idea. In your agreement give him the car. You will buy yourself a new (or new to you) one in your new life. Just get through these few months, and get the deal signed.
It is weird how the focus shifted isn’t it? Same goals, different focus, at the moment.
This is not an immediate solution to the car problem, it is a long game strategy. It does address your not wanting to have horrible emails and conversations. It also knowingly lets go of your boundary for a bigger reward or desire you are trying to achieve. I still stand by my assertion that a schedule will not work with H, especially now, he will use it against you.
Hopefully that sounds reasonable. Basically ignore his actions and words (goes for more than the car). Maybe, use the car if it is available. However, I would figure out something else for the times you need a car over the next while, pretend you have already given it to him. I think you would like this to be over sooner than later, like months if possible. Greasing his wheels may make that happen.
I know this is horrible. The financial part of MLC is real and kind of icky. H is going to do what he wants. Keep your focus on what is truly important (kids, house, your previously mentioned priorities - car was not among them) and let go and don’t sweat the small stuff.
I am going to city now with D16 for music lesson. I will check in on you a little later.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
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