Some people need to complete their process before realizing their mistake. Let him complete his process. In the meantime, you're doing work on your own process. Yours will be more fulfilling.
The quote by Napoleon ‘never interfere with your enemy when he is making a mistake’ comes to mind here.
Obviously I’m not trying to view W as the ‘enemy’ (and I hope I never do)....but I try to keep in mind the broader point. I’ve been told by some people here that part of DB’ing is not interfering, and I need to do that in my own sitch. What I’ve also been trying to do in my own sitch is not tip my hand to W—she’s been telling me things and saying things that really make me wonder what is going on, and if she has all of her information correct. But, I’m not exactly gonna go out of my way to correct her when I think she is wrong. If she follows through on this D, then she’ll find out if she’s wrong in time, and maybe that will change her mind. Or not.
I’m trying to put my work in on myself, to fix myself for MR 2.0, or someone else down the road. I sometimes hope that maybe, just maybe, down the road she will realize that she made a huge mistake. I’m not sure where I’ll be or what I’ll be ready for in the event that that happens.
Originally Posted by FlySolo
Now, stop spinning, get a glass of wine or a cup of tea, put on your favorite TV program (something good and soppy or funny and a little ridiculous) and switch off for a bit.
I need to do this. Hence, having a beer tonight and going to bed kinda early (YS is sick again this weekend, so I’ll go to bed to be present to him, and I don’t know what kind of night’s sleep he will have being sick). But I still think about GAL’ing on New Year’s Day, and how utterly fantastic it felt for me. Self-care is crucial.
/journaling
I’m still struggling on whether or not I want to get to reconciling with W. Granted, it’s a long, long way off (D hasn’t even officially started yet), but I’ve thought about her earlier this week saying that recon could be an option. Could she be playing me? It’s possible. I’m honestly just not sure if I want recon with W—at least not in her / our current states.
I had something of a moment of clarity today that I hope will help me with detachment, which is.....
Why should I get myself so worked up over someone who has basically said, on repeated occasions, that she doesn’t want to be my W?
Feb. ‘18: ILYBINILWY
Feb. ‘18: I’m not even sure I want to be married to you
Feb. ‘18: I wish I loved you enough to want to take care of you (when I threw out my back)
Oct. ‘18: When [YS] is in a better place, I think we should take a look at having a break / S
Last week: I don’t want to be your wife
It’s clear she doesn’t want to be my W. I just need to get over it, and over this MR in its current form.
Temp Check Alert?
MIL was over today, and her and W went out for an errand and to pick up dinner this evening.
W told me that before that they would pick up dinner, they would go by Target to get cat litter, but also some lanolin cream.
W then proceeded to tell me that she needs it because she is sore from where YS is feeding, and rubbed near her nipple in front of me. That it gets.....raw.
Cool. TMI. Thanks for telling me about your nipples. And why exactly should I care—not like I have access to them right now, or anything. (I know, probably means I’m nowhere near detached but come on—I don’t want to be your wife, oh my nipples are so raw. Whatever.)
