TJT... totally get what you are talking about. I also find myself wishing the same thing but I know I am nowhere ready. I actually went onto an OLD site yesterday just to see who is out there. However I got increasingly panicky as I was scrolling down that I would see my H on there so I just logged out. Won’t go on there for a looonnng time... clearly not ready. The great news for you is that you are still so young. I know it doesn’t make your pain any less real but I know that you will have a lot of fun dating when you are ready and you WILL find someone... I know you will. I, on the other hand, at 50, almost 51, the pickings are slim and the baggage people have at this stage of life...significant. You should have seen some of these photos. They looked like mug shots. Ugh... some of them probably were.
Sorry for the hijack Steve.
No problem.
On the older dating, I have told the story a few times of finding my W's profile on the over 50 dating site. She was less than pleased with the responses. LOL Mug shot was almost her description. She said they looked 'used up". She looks 10 years or more younger than her age. Neither of us drink or smoke, and I stay fairly active. So it was kind of a shock for her. She then moved on to a regular dating site, where she was messaging guys 15-20 years younger than her. She wasn't getting many responses as most guys in their early 30s aren't interested in a married 50 year old, even if she only looks 35 or 40.
Not to continue the hijack but since we're talking about it (and in response to your comment, DV) I read something not too long ago that actually said after only age 30 that's when guys lose interest...guys that age and older are apparently going for the girls in their 20s. Seems to be corroborated by A) my sitch, and B) the fact that I keep hearing people talk about relationships like that like it's just the way the world works.
E.g. on my recent vacation in a conversation with a staff member (long story) he said one of the older guys who's 50+ has had 3 wives and his current girl is a 20-something. Then in the airport another older man was bragging to whoever was with him that his wive is also decades younger than him.
I also had a conversation with (extended) family recently where someone was talking about another age-gap relationship. I don't think all of these people knew the details of what I was going through, but I did chime in and ask how that works/what people get out of those arrangements, because aside from the obvious surface-level reasons it seems there's a lot of other more important factors that would make it not fulfilling pretty quick. I think the age difference in their example wasn't THAT bad, so I said something referencing the age difference of my H and OW and how it's so weird, and they basically were like "unless you're the older one!"
I am just disgusted that people (and it seems moreso women) seem to be disposable after they get to a certain age, AND that that seems to be socially acceptable by most other people! And yeah I'm at an age where I could go a little younger than me too, but, I mean...have you met younger men these days?! lol... It seems my window may be somewhat narrow and expire quickly!
This is why I'm still really scared and totally not ready to date again, either. Even if I get some play, I'm always going to be terrified from here on out that I'm just going to get "thrown away" again once a few more years do go by. I used to think those scenarios were not the majority, but after this experience and hearing from so many other people (both here and IRL), I am starting to think the real love is actually the exception.
There will ALWAYS be someone younger and prettier and all the things, at some point. I just want an old-fashioned love that lasts forever where we both have so much value for each other that nothing could replace that. And I want that for everyone here too!! Anyway, feel free to continue other replies to this on my thread if it's not something Steve wants to continue deliberating
H:39 W:30 M:4 T:9
05/2018: H says "ILYBNILWY", BD 07/2018: Discovered A, confronted 09/2018: PA + other details emerge; H moved out 12/2018: I filed 03/2019: Divorce finalized
