TJT Becoming a "MFS"

[TJT]

Ok everyone there's a situation kind of. (Yail I will still respond to your post later!)

I got a W2 from one of my H's workplaces. Since I already figured out we will have to file our taxes jointly, I texted him to let him know I got it and ask him how he wanted to go about getting the taxes done since we will either have to get on the phone or meet in person to get it all done. (Actually, I told him we will need to file jointly, he asked ME how I want to go about it, and I gave him those two obvious options).

In the process of this he says, again (like he did a few months ago, in November) that he would need some information from me to finish the "decree". This time I clarify with him if he means the petition. He said yes, and that he was going to use an online service to have it filed electronically.

I got into a pickle with him bringing this up again, since as you may recall earlier in this thread, I filed already. And paid for it. While I hadn't served him yet and technically he could very well file his own petition without any issue, I also didn't want to be out of the money I already spent (about $400).

So... I just told him that he didn't have to worry about it...that I already filed a petition and I could send him those papers and the other docs he needed to sign to move things forward.

After a pause he just texted back "ok". Then I also told him how much it cost and that if he wants to move forward with it that I'd like half of the cost I spent back. He said he would get it to me... then after another short pause he said he would try to cancel his service and get his money back.

First, I really don't know what info he thought he needed from me to fill out the petition to begin with, unless for some reason he wasn't clear on any property I wanted to list as my own property before the marriage... but that's literally the only thing he could possibly have had a question about. Otherwise the petition is pretty much all his info or straightforward answers to simple questions in our sitch.

Second, I fully realized that there was not really a purpose in his text about canceling his service except to make it known that he was inconvenienced by something I did. For the record his text was very, very simple, short, and not catty at all, but it's just the fact that he pointed it out that seemed irrelevant to me. And up to this point he only kept saying that "he was going to" use a service to file, and a few months ago when he said he might need info to complete it he obviously never followed up. Why would a man spend money on something and wait months to submit it?? So I just responded with "ok" (NOT "I'm sorry" or anything like that) and that I simply didn't know he already paid to do anything since I hadn't heard from him.

Anyway he just said "It's fine I'll cancel" and that was that. Then I reiterated for him to let me know what he wants to do for the taxes and when.

Okay, NOW, I am about to send to the petition I completed with the other paperwork to him, like I told him I'd do. But as I suspected I'm now feeling like I'm the one who's pushing this whole thing and I should have continued to wait for him to do it, whether I filed on my side or not. I guess I shot myself in the foot filing first because it made me have to push things a little once he brought it up again. I didn't consider that scenario when I first filed, I thought either he would reach out to me one day saying he filed on his side and I would just have to call it a wash that I had done it too, or he wouldn't do/say anything at all and I could just let him know I filed and to serve him the papers when I truly felt like it...

I mean at the end of the day he IS still going to have to fill out his portion of the paperwork and get it notarized and filed. On one hand I'm thinking, that still puts things in his court to where if he wants to continue stalling, he absolutely could. It's not like divorce is done just because I serve him papers. However, as I was fearful of in my "pros/cons" post earlier to filing, I do feel like the fact that he now knows I filed first may have him in this mindset of "oh, so I guess she wants to move forward with this so I feel better about doing what SHE wants" (total BS).

As a result of that I am feeling a LOT like I want to say something/reiterate that this is still NOT what I want to do. But I know I'm not supposed to do that... but I feel so so so SO terrible about sending this paperwork to him just like "here you go" without any other emotion about it.

I keep thinking of all the things he's done, that right now as we're texting he's probably like at dinner with OW or at home with her around and making googly eyes at her instead of me. I'm trying to think of the times when I've been GALing where I felt more okay than not without him. NONE OF IT HELPS. When it comes down to the reality of doing this I still do not want it. I want him to freaking realize he's having an idiotic meltdown of life and that he wants help and wants to be a family again. That's it! Is that so much to ask!!!?

So I have this e-mail drafted and I'm trying to stop myself from saying something other than what I need to say in it. In my mind I'm like "I'll just put one sentence like 'for the record I still don't want this' " but I know no matter how simple it is you all will tell me NO. But I can't feel good about it right now so I needed to write this out and get your reactions to maybe help me feel better about doing the right thing because here I am now in tears by the end of this post because I hate that this is my life and it's not just going to go away.