Divorce and Acceptance part 3

[Pax_luv]

Hey coly,
Yeah super weird and he’s got guts to ask anything of me. But hey... it’s his world. I was just an accessory.


Well, I ended up replying letting him know I haven’t seen it. He replied back within milliseconds saying that I said I had it, and would give it to him. That I didn’t want it, but knew that he wanted it. <—— MLC brain for sure I never said those things.

I didn’t reply to that.. No need to. That’s not a 180 for me. Whenever he tested me, I always shut down. There was no point in defending myself because I was always wrong. Always. Except this time, I’m not engaging because I have zero desire.

Anyway, it’s been a weird week with lots of ups and downs. I had two funerals this week and I only made it to one. One was for my best friends cousin who is my age (we were also friends), he passed of leukemia. So so sad. The last year he was in the hospital fighting for his life and now he is gone. Way too soon. So much life ahead of him.

The other was for a former employees mother. I always had a special bond with this person. She (the employee) was just diagnosed with breast cancer and tried to hide it from her mother because she knew it would have detrimental effects on her mom. Here we are -2 months later and her mother is gone now. She must be so scared trying to keep herself healthy and not totally knowing the future while dealing with the devastating loss of losing a parent. It’s just so sad.

And add this to a retirement luncheon I went to yesterday. This woman’s husband was present and he was just beaming with love and pride for his wife. I couldn’t stop watching him and his expressions. You could just see the love on his face. He could barely keep it together. It was nice to see a man have that much love for his wife. She’s well known for not being the easiest person to work with and for. Just a reminder that real love endures hard times. And my relationship with ex wasn’t real. It was a punch in the gut.

Well, with all of that, I feel a little off kilter today. I know I’ll bounce back. This all feels like a big reality check. I really need to end this saga with ex. It really is the last thread that’s keeping me down. I need to be free.