Feeling lost getting over it and maybe not caring

[Turbine]

So I have way too much time to dwell on all the my faults, what if, I love her, etc...

So really loving her means that you can let her go.

If she comes back then she is yours if not then she really never was.

That's the real test isn't it... I pray I am strong enough to be telling the truth there. I pray that she comes back. Not sure I am strong enough if she doesn't. Time will tell and with help from the source of all miracles...

Turbine,

Hang in there.

You need to find something that you love to do. You mention sleepwalking through your work, and everything else is in your head. I've been there, the endless cycling of thoughts, the regrets, the pain.... it can feel overwhelming, but it doesn't serve any purpose. You need to find things that take you out of that. That's why GAL is so important - family and friends that you can share a good conversation with, exercise to work your body hard enough to shut up the brain, getting out socially to a church function, or even a bar. For me it is yoga, rock climbing, and bike riding, but it doesn't matter what it is, just find what works for you. You won't want to do any of it at first, but you have to force yourself. It will feel unnatural like you are faking it, but you have to force yourself. Action precedes motivation - once you get out there and start doing it you will actually feel better and more motivated.

And, I would also add that IC can be extremely helpful. I certainly found benefit from it. There are some really great strategies used in cognitive behavioral therapy that can help when dealing with the tidal wave of emotions and spiraling thoughts.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. It does get easier with time.

Social events at church are interesting... last one was the married couples... oh the irony eh. That 's the one I brought the cabbage roll soup to.

As far as drinking... I don't but the local Irish themed sports pub has good food and the waitresses are frinedly. They ask me my regular drink (Arnold Palmer) and can pretty much repeat my order based on the night of the week. Not interested in more than friends at best. Not now, maybe never.

I like the work I do and the guys for the most part. Music selection has much to be desired. So Foxtrotting tired of the Beatles, Michael Jackson, The Bee Gees... how about some songs with some testosterone in the lead singer? Something by Johnny Cash, Louie Armstrong, Josh Turner, Keith Whitley, Bach, Benny Goodman, Glen Miller, etc.

Yeah maybe I am an old soul.

I have been hitting the gym. Not my first choice but I have my reasons beyond W. Not wanting to end up like my father being most prominent. Okay... get rid of the Dad bod too. If Mahal walks away then I will be in better physical shape and possibly beating women off with a stick (metaphorically). New hobby can come of that, Kendo. Maybe meet a nice Japanese lady who can dress me down like a side of beef with the bamboo sword they use. Got to dream right? Truthfully... I hope that never happens.