You need to find something that you love to do. You mention sleepwalking through your work, and everything else is in your head. I've been there, the endless cycling of thoughts, the regrets, the pain.... it can feel overwhelming, but it doesn't serve any purpose. You need to find things that take you out of that. That's why GAL is so important - family and friends that you can share a good conversation with, exercise to work your body hard enough to shut up the brain, getting out socially to a church function, or even a bar. For me it is yoga, rock climbing, and bike riding, but it doesn't matter what it is, just find what works for you. You won't want to do any of it at first, but you have to force yourself. It will feel unnatural like you are faking it, but you have to force yourself. Action precedes motivation - once you get out there and start doing it you will actually feel better and more motivated.
And, I would also add that IC can be extremely helpful. I certainly found benefit from it. There are some really great strategies used in cognitive behavioral therapy that can help when dealing with the tidal wave of emotions and spiraling thoughts.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. It does get easier with time.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
