Jlh- I know exactly how you are feeling. We are in very similar situations. My H hit me with a SA just before the holidays and we are a week or two away from signing. My H can’t stand to be around me or in our house either. I am trying not to take it personally. He’s that way when I’m not here and his mom is. There are a number of different reasons why that is. I think it just reminds my H of the hurt he has caused and he runs from those feelings. When he needs to text me, his texts are always upbeat with lots of smiley faces. I don’t know if he is trying to make me feel better or himself. It’s pretty irritating though. Blowing up your family is nothing to be smiling about.
I am also having a hard time processing but I feel like I am slowly making my way towards acceptance. My H, too, is in a huge hurry and also gives the impression that our history together and the life we had built means nothing. We were debt-free and looking forward to possibly retiring early. That’s not going to happen now. Once this agreement is signed, we will both be in a lot of debt - him especially as he is dead set on buying a home. This from a guy who HATED house maintenance and would get resentful if you asked him to mow the lawn. Now he’s going to be responsible for a home all on his own. Once the dust settles and reality sets in, he is going to hate it. But...not my problem...anymore. My MIL and I did most of the work around our home anyway so his absence, in that respect, is hardly noticeable. He checked out of his household responsibilities years ago with his fake overnight medical treatments.
Detachment will come, I am told, but it is not a steady march forward. There is cycling and days when you feel strong and others when you can barely muster the energy to get out of bed. Regardless, we have to get out of bed anyway. They aren’t kidding when they refer to it as a rollercoaster ride. It really is. The last few days for me have been really tough as we have been finishing the process of separating finances - bank accounts, credit cards, bills, etc.. H is being really helpful with it - much more helpful than he ever was when we were married. He just left most things up to me and then resented me for it. Kind of a d@mned if you do and d@mned if you don’t situation.
Anyway...bedtime for me. Just wanted to send you some support and let you know that you are definitely not alone. (((HUGS)))
