I'm gonna go big picture here. It looks like you are spinning, just emotionally all over the place. Work on your detachment and some of these things will seem little, and you will be able to figure out more of this on your own.
Totally feel all over the place today—one moment I’m great, the other I’m a wreck, ready to tear-up in the restroom or have the tears run down my face at our school’s chapel during lunch (both of which were today).
But I have to be strong—in front of my students, and also in front of my boys.
“Daddy’s here!”—OS when I came into his room with W when I heard him get up this morning.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
You are letting her control your thoughts, moods, and actions when you should be in control.
Correct. I thought I was more in-control—I’m not letting myself be baited in front of her. But I do need to work on my assertiveness and decisiveness. I come here to journal to let it out.
Originally Posted by ovrrnbw
You got this.
I appreciate the thoughts, Ovr. But I don’t feel like I’ve got this. Some moments my heart hurts, both literally and figuratively.
While I know I probably won’t die from this, some moments I do pray to live out my wedding vows and wonder if I would get called home so that she could have her wish of living life without me, if she really wants it that bad enough. It sounds so so terrible, but I’ve thought about it.
I know it’s doing a number of her—she said her breast milk production is down because she is so stressed about all this. Maybe don’t D your spouse, then? If this is stressing her out so much, why why is she doing this?
Why are we doing this to each other? I feel like it’s the end of the movie ‘The War of the Roses.’ I’d much rather live out the short story by O. Henry ‘The Gift of the Magi’—that’s what I always wanted to live out.
