Not sure DB is working? AnotherStander help!

[Jlh]

Thanks for the advice and reading, Steve85, and ovrrnbw. I thought I was prepared but it stung, especially after the holidays hit me harder than I had thought they would.

I tell my son the truth, which is daddy is at work, or else at his apartment. I don't know anything else he does so I stick to those and my kiddo seems okay with that.

When H comes over to pick up our son I'm polite and friendly and try to smile. Last night I as in tears as he talked about wanting to hurry this along, I tried to be calm but the tears kept coming although I didn't cry full on. I go by his attitude. He just plain avoids me and/or doesn't greet me some times when he comes to get our boy. I say a hello and keep going about my business as he waits for him. When we text it's about our son usually and I make the effort now not to add a friendly sentence in after the important stuff as he ignores them. He doesn't even call our son in the evenings on days he doesn't have him like he used to claiming it will "bother us".

For fun at night and weekends I am usually exhausted from both jobs and getting ready for the next day so I sit with a book or watch a show or movie or crochet while watching. I chat with friends via text and social sites a lot and have good laughs and such. I do make an effort to put on some makeup and nicer casual clothes when I go out to the bookstore and some errands just to feel good rather than frumpy. I noticed H seems curious when I do that and has some lost looks but I'm doing it for me, not to attract anyone while I'm out.

I'm just having SUCH a hard time processing that my H is gone and doesn't want me. I don't know why and I wish I could detach better but it's so hard. I have that and money issues so I'm just a huge ball of stress. Its like he's trying to move as fast as possible and acts so casual like our past together meant nothing. He was my kindred spirit, lover, best friend and now I'm just trash to him. I talk to my counselor about it because that just guts me.