My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 5

[ovrrnbw]

Hey everyone, I needed a break from my sitch. I have a couple responses and updates.

Nicole,

We had kinda reconciled, but not really I guess. My W would call it "trying". My W never moved out fully, always just packed a bag for a few days.

Why do you think that could be? What do you think is different this time?

I think I'm starting to see her for what she is and not what I want her to be. I think I am getting tired of the waywardness. Or are you saying I just have let her jump from OM's bed back to the MB?

I certainly need to look at my patterns here and break the negative ones. It's obvious I'm not fully detached, but I'm getting better, truly. There was something I got a little worried about a couple weeks ago, but I didn't say anything to her. A couple days later I found out what it was, and it wasn't what I thought. I was very relieved and it made me realize why we LBS's shouldn't be trying to mind read much.

Joe, thanks for the comment. It is hard to stand up for ourselves sometimes, but that's part of killing the inner NGS and stating what you want and being a clear, strong person. I have been trying to let go of all my old anger, mainly by not allowing myself to dwell on it and trying to 180 on the grudge holding I used to do. I may go back to IC just to vent and hear some perspective and get help on losing some of those negative traits I learned from my dad.

Gordie, I didn't think I was giving her an ultimatum, but now I see that it may have come off that way. I remember what MWD said in her book about ultimatums.

Just today, I was thinking about the positives that would occur if me and W ended up divorced, there are several. But obviously I don't know if that will happen or not. Plenty of negatives there too. But it won't be as bad as I thought 6 months ago.

When she first came back, we were intimate and having sex in the first 10 days or so. I remember thinking, this means nothing during it and that made it less fun. Then W got on her period and we haven't done anything since then. We had a good New Years, stayed at an air bnb near the lake bar we like. But now the intimacy has slowed a little bit, no sex in a couple weeks. I think she is having ups and downs. Or maybe she was just being manipulative in the beginning. We'll see if I'm forgetting anything if my sister reads this post and reminds me.

W is still wearing her ring, even though she had it off for a couple of days after we were doing snow plow work (24 hours straight) with FIL. I noticed it and said something, she said she forgot. Maybe that's true, maybe not. W wants to sell the house soon and get going on the next one. It'd be easier to do if our MR wasn't in the gutter, but I guess we are charging forward. I haven't really decided much on if it matters or not.

W is still not ready to face the reality and own up to her stuff. I think I read AnotherStander posting once that it takes a long time before most WW's come to grips with that. If AnotherStander reads this, maybe he can remind of his thoughts and experience there.

My GAL has kind of slowed down, I haven't seen any friends in a while. With the new job starting I've had to do lots of online training and find office space. Very excited to get started though.

Hope you all are doing well and thanks for following my story.

Should be starting MC soon. We will see how it goes.