She rehashes my fault “why can I never get a straight answer out of you?” “Why should I trust that you will change when you never have for the last 4 years?” And on and on and on.
I really, really think she is trying to go after an ‘abuse’ angle on me for later, if need be. She talked about how I would do things that hurt her, intentionally or unintentionally. She called that abuse—that I keep doing things that hurt her, whether or not I intend to. Once she said that, that’s where my mind raced to—that if things escalate between us, she could serve me papers and get a court order ordering me out of the house, claiming some sort of threat or abuse.
Here's the thing Bo, she probably does believe what she's saying, or at least wants to believe it. She's in full-on WAS mode and looking for reasons to justify her behavior and desire to end things. She no doubt has an enabler or two or three (male or female or both) that are offering her tons of validation right now, so they are telling her what she wants to hear (oh poor you, you've suffered so long, you are doing the right thing). So that feeds into her worldview. All you can do is detach from her as much as possible and keep your L informed of what's going on.
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She said she doesn’t want to be my wife.
Well there's a newsflash.
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She then brought up that if I want any chance at reconciling, I should try to work with her on things.
Dangling the carrot out there again. When she says these things are you now seeing it for the manipulation it is?
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She said that she would consider going to MC with me—under her conditions, that it is a secular one, and that we go as married, but separated (if that makes sense).
What was your response to this? Hopefully you see now it's only a tactic to her. She doesn't give a rip about trying to salvage the M, not right now.
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She also asked if she needs to get a lawyer. She wants me to seriously consider her proposal—because she believes that it will be fairer than a family court judge, and she really doesn’t want to fight me, but she will if she needs to. She said she doesn’t want to put OS in front of a judge and have him be asked who he wants to live with. (Guilt, manipulation, I know.).
Wow she really goes for it in these R talks. Threats, manipulation tactics, incentives, offering hope, crushing hope. It's amazing to me that she (and many other WAS's) are not willing to negotiate a single point. It's "my way or we go to court and battle it out".
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I’m trying to DB as best as I can but saying ‘I need time to think about that’ when she proposes some heavier things to me (like resolving things by September)
What does that mean about "resolving things"? Does she mean she wants the D completed by then?
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So tonight was basically a big failure.
How so? Sounds to me like status quo. Nothing gained nothing lost over the previous similar talk. If you maintained your cool throughout then chalk it up as a success.
