Figuring Out What Comes Next

[DonH]

I just wanted to leave a quick post before heading out on what a good female friend of mine has been calling Cruisegate 2019. Ba ha ha ha. I'm clearly not as excited as I hoped I would be. This is not how I thought this was going to go. Thankfully there are so many other people going and that will make it easier. I no longer have any pressure whatsoever to impress Wild Girl so I'll just 100% be being me - which is how it should be anyhow but we all know it's a bit different when you have some skin in the game.

WG's new BF called me last night. I will give him this - he has guts. I could tell he was very, very nervous, stuttering, not sure what to say so I took it very easy on him. I don't know if he is this naive, doesn't want to know the truth or is just so head over heels that he's accepting it all - reluctantly. "She's been keeping me in the dark" he said. LOL, Yeah, i'll be you she has. He didn't ask about us, our past, etc. My plan was to simply tell him, "I think you need to talk to Wild Girl about that" but since he didn't ask... He did ask about "the sleeping arrangements." For that I just responded "Have you ever been on a cruise - it's pretty cramped quarters." He asked if I'll be a gentleman. How do I even answer that? Again, had he been a jerk or disrespectful I would have had many answers but he is so stressed I just said, "Look, don't stress all week and make yourself sick. She will come back home and your life will go on." For the first time I really felt the age difference - me being 55, WG 42 and New BF 41. I almost felt like a father giving advice. LOL. He's never married from what I can tell and fresh out of a 15 year R. Clearly it's a rebound R that I'm thinking started as an EA of not PA. Good luck with that you two!

How did I get myself into this? Thing is, I could totally see it with a long time friend - totally. Just not with someone I was naked with four months ago. If he knew that, he'd freak I'm sure but again, how naive can he be? Not my problem.

I hope it's a great time. I won't even speculate. Part of me wishes I was going alone but another part knows that would not have been fun either. So all I can do is make the best of it. I guess one saving grace is I don't have any regret or longing or attraction. I see WG and all of this for what it is. Sadly, it doesn't at all help my overall outlook going forward. I was looking at the FB page of someone I've done some addiction things with. She's a nurse, recently divorced and all I see is Housewives of Orange County. She's dating this guy 10 years old than her that totally looks like Brooks. Her friends were all out for NYE - most look single, all in their 50s and I'm like, uggggg, disgusting. It's just not the life I ever saw myself leading. One couple going with us just had their 5th grandchild yesterday. They are married 36 years. That's how it's SUPPOSED TO BE. Saw my brother and SIL and nieces for my mom's birthday last night. They are married 27 years. That's how it's supposed to go. I'm just so turned off by this dating and making out in parking lots - in our 40s and 50s? Really? I just can't help but see WAW and WW everywhere I look. Just sad and takes me back to when I was 20 and happened across that "Middle age pickup joint" I talked about a few weeks ago. And they are sooooo desperate to find SOMEONE - ANYONE. It's such a huge turn off to me.

So you can see where my mind is. Like I said, I'm hoping I'll snap out of it. It is what it is and I can't do anything about it. Had I had it to do over again I would have nipped this in the bud back in September. Then again, I really didn't have a solid Plan B person so I have no doubt that is partly why I didn't. And for all I know, we'll have a great, great time and it will all work out. She can be my wing woman LOL.

Anyhow, hoping for great weather and lots of fun - regardless of what happens. And I'll give you all a report on Cruisegate 2019 when I return!