Emerging from my fog? (pain18 DB X)

[Phoenix9]

Please stay balanced. You almost swung too far the other direction, since you know she is still seeing OM. Do you see where you nearly went too far?

I do see how I have pushed her further into the arms of the OM. The most recent example was a little over two weeks ago when I acted like a jerk leading up to the bill situation.

I'm working hard on the balance. I want to make the switch genuinely. I need to make the change for me. Not her.

It's only been 10 days since I cut the vindictiveness and anger, but I am feeling some positivity not only in myself but between her and I as well.

Good! The vindictiveness was eating you alive!

I still wait to respond to her messages).

It has been very hard to let this go. But I am working on it. I do not feel anger any more.

Why? Don't you think it looks rude to make her wait every single time, before you respond? I mean, if you are truly busy, then don't break your neck to answer, but as long as she is using respectful words and not getting a bad attitude with you......I don't think it is necessary to play the "waiting game" before responding each time.

Sandi, I am still trying to convey mysteriousness and putting my own tasks and responsibilities over her. To be honest, she has not said anything disrespectful or showed me a bad attitude in a long time.

I just don't want to nice anything. I want her to come back but on her terms. My job is not to push her away any further. If she comes back is up to her and the higher power.

Phoenix, don't look at your WW as you responding to her tests.....you have to do the turnaround for you. I am no expert but I have seen most things that have been advised here work to an extent. Keep at the DBing!

Of course. Nothing has changed as far as working on myself. I am nowhere near where I want to be, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I am still raw. I still need work.

Make the changes that make you feel good about yourself, do the activities that help you grow and help detach because you are living your best life...not waiting for that person that has caused so much hurt to come around. It is a tough pill to swallow experiencing all of this first hand and I too struggle with the impatience. If I would guess my WW is struggling to detach from OM but it appears that she is moving in the right direction. We just have to keep pushing forward with our goals.

Love hearing your success in physically improving, never stop that! I keep setting new goals for myself, weight, strength, new physical activities to take on. Never enjoyed clothes shopping until I got my youthful physique back at 49, the compliments are great and uplifting that I too am desirable...hopefully you are getting those looks as well.

I am not waiting. I have not waited in a long time. But I have stopped running away towards the other solution (divorce). I am just letting things be. That seems to be making all of our lives better in one form or another. I have so many goals I want to accomplish:

- Bench 185lbs. in 3 sets of 10 reps.
- Get a consistent paid gig for my photography
- Lose another 20-30 pounds.
- Become indispensable at my job.

It's about small, continual improvements. Those are the ones that tend to stick.

Thank you I am not going to stop. I am not going to be complacent anymore. I am going to make myself the best Phoenix9 I am capable of being. WW, OM, others...I don't control them or their feelings. Nor do I want to. That took too much energy from me and I just ended up tired, frustrated, and heartbroken.

Marching forward.

Day 172.