Ease your mind B. Last comunication fueled the spark you have somewhere inside your heart. And it´s ok to have it and to be in pain right now. You´re longing for a former W that´s not there. But the pain is there. It will flow out with time. Need to live the real world, remember?
You have done a long walk B. And you are here, time and space centered.
You have yourself (not an easy thing...), you have D4. Live the present.