13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

Journaling:

So things are actually pretty great for me at the moment .

Yesterday I picked up my kids early, and we went for a walk with S1 in the stroller and D5 on her running bike. We just walked, talked about nature, and had a good time while getting some fresh air. Really enjoyable.

After having tugged in my kids yesterday, I cleaned the house, prepped lunchboxes for the kids, and then my neighbor came over. We finished planning our Portugal golf tour, and I am stoked. It will be a lot of fun, and we are going with 10 other people whom I haven't met but all around our age, so it is definitely going to be a nice time.

We also discussed the possibility of going to Florida during christmas, because neither he or me have our kids for christmas. So we might book a weeks golf over the holidays - looking into this.

Today D5 is not feeling well, so I decided to take a day of absence, and keep her home. I think she needed some alone time with daddy and just some attention in general because yea, I've been wrapped up around myself while not having the strength to navigate properly in this mess. We are just tugging under blankets in the living room, and she is enjoying herself. She just fell asleep, so here I am doing some self implementing therapy.

This afternoon my ex will be coming home to play and eat with the kids. I have decided, that I do not need to partake in this, so I am going to the gym when she arrives (Its hard to fit in time for the gym, when I am alone with the kids, so hey, if the opportunity presents itself, then off I go). I do not hear much from her, and that is nice. I am still using the stop sign technique, but a little less for every day. I am beginning to have my own routines now, and that is enjoyable. After the gym, I am going to go eat at my sisters place and have a good time. Then I will be going home when the kids are going to bed, and my ex is leaving again.

She texted me yesterday, and sent me two pictures of books that needed to be returned to the library, and said if I could take them there today, if I was gonna go to the gym. <-- This is where Hurt213 is getting a bit confused because..... So basically I can write two things.

1. I say, no problem and am gonna take the books because im going anyways. <--- So if I go this way, I will be told here, that I am acting on my NGS, and she can deliver her own goddamn books, and I look weak for helping her and she is screwing another guy, and I owe her nothing. I am only doing this for a reaction...

2. I can ignore her text because it has nothing to do with kids or finances, and it would apply to my NGS that im trying to 180 to be her errand boy. She borrowed the books, she can deliver them herself to the library. <-- So if I take this approach, I am most likely being told, that I am looking for a reaction by not responding and not helping out when it is where I am going anywhere...

Its like whatever bridge I go down, its bound to collapse .

However, I do feel like in order to detach myself to a state where I no longer care (and for the record, whatever reaction she comes up with, Im sure I can handle it - the two scenarios are made with the feedback that I know I will receive, and dont get me wrong, I appreciate it a lot. I just hope you see it from my point of view - I might be overthinking it).

Well anyways. I chose option 2. I haven't responded. Frankly I found it weird to recieve a text with a request for help, when we dont communicate over anything else than the kids and when to call them. I haven't answered, and it left my mind until I began journaling now. I think she can live her own life, and return her own books .