This whole thing as I am learning is not about making her want you back; its about making yourself a man that anyone would want to be with. She may see the changes and think twice; she may never look back. Either way if you work on yourself you come out ready for taking on the world.
I need to keep this in mind, given my thoughts vacillating earlier about do I want W back, or should I look forward to all the lovely women down the road.
The reason I’m ‘drying off’ is that a handyman attempted to replace a kitchen faucet earlier this afternoon, and in doing so he flooded the kitchen, but not before soaking both him and I from head to toe (I was drenched hoodie to shorts and sandals). I was watching him work, and once I started to hear and see the water increase I knew trouble was quickly coming—and boy did it come.
W is overwhelmed by everything from tonight, supposedly—she’s eating cookies and watching videos right now. I’m planning on being home from school / work again tomorrow—thought OS would be home sick again tomorrow, but now I’ll also be here to oversee faucet repairs and kitchen clean-up.
What I’ve noticed in today’s happenings is that I don’t think I went negative or angry. It was more of a “let’s deal with it and git ‘er done” mindset, and I pointed out to W that “hey you know what didn’t get wet—the kitchen dish towels” (oh the irony). And they were directly opposite the sink—but the handyman and I absorbed most of the spraying water, and everything else shot off / trickled to the sides. She found that amusing. We also counted our blessings for tonight—that her mom was here to help with at least one of the kids (she was here to be with OS), virtually nothing irreplaceable was damaged or destroyed. We have a cat (inherited it when I married W), and W thanked the cat for not heading towards the water, and she mentioned that there is an inappropriate joke to be made there somewhere—she didn’t finish the comment, but I knew exactly what she was thinking. It’s a joke she’s made before, about another name for a cat being wet. I played coy while loading the dishwasher and asked her ‘oh, there’s an inappropriate joke there?’ Every now and then, shades of the W that I married.
I need to keep in mind last night’s conversation with W, and balance tonight against what she talked about last night. That I need to keep in mind that if she does decide to kick me to the curb, I’m not exactly going to be at her beck and call for stuff like this—I tend to take the lead on getting maintenance taken care of around the apartment (and I interface with our leasing company to coordinate that stuff), and in making sure the cars get serviced when needed. Oh, you’re getting repairs down at the little apartment that’s part of bird-nesting? So what needs fixing at the townhouse in SB—did I call the leasing company? Yeah, not my day to be there, so you’re on your own. Take off work. Ask your mom for help. Or maybe OM, if he exists.
W has been pretty nice to me all things considered—be so so careful, Bo. Don’t get taken in by her. She asked me if I wanted anything from the grocery this morning (I should have ignored that text tbh); as we were finishing cleaning up she told me that she brought me home her lunch leftovers from work, and she apologized for eating all the chicken from it; she was talking with me and eating cookies, and she offered me a cookie “do you want a cookie? I realize I’ve been standing here all this time and....”
It’s also hard for me to not notice W and what she is wearing—maybe she’s starting to ovulate and I’m picking up on the hormones—don’t know. I’ve gone back and forth in the forum about how physically attracted I am to W—but tonight, like most nights, she’s been walking around in a cami, bra and blue jeans (she does that an awful lot recently—it’s probably easier for breast-feeding YS). She’s asked me what my turn-ons are, and I told her that is one of them—I absolutely love that look. To be fair, I’m sure most women would look really really good in a cami, bra and blue jeans. I also know that most women would probably treat me a h*ll of a lot better than W has been recently. So, ladies who want to get my attention in the future—walk around and keep close company with me while wearing a cami, bra and jeans and I’ll probably notice you, but especially if you’ve got a great heart and a great personality. Need both relative good looks and a great personality / heart to win my attention and devotion. That said, I’m in one of those stretches where I really just want (wait, want is the wrong word, crave is the better word)—crave the company of an amazing woman—to treat well, to build something amazing with, to have and hold, to see and experience the softness of her body. /sigh
And I’m telling myself to not get suckered in by W—“oh man she sure looks nice tonight.” Hey Bo, check yourself—not even 24 hours ago she basically threatened to serve you with divorce papers and potentially get a court order to rip you away from your home where your 2 beloved kids live. She repeatedly made points about how much you’ve hurt her over the years and how it’s your fault she’s unhappy—that back in October you’re the one who pushed her into accepting D as a reality. Think with the upstairs head tonight, and don’t be fooled by her acting all nice and looking all nice.
A final thought / reflection from others’ previous posts:
A fair number of commenters on my sitch have good reason to believe that W is having an A. I believe it was Steve who mentioned that a woman doesn’t need a place to find herself—she needs a place to sleep with someone. In the parenting plan, I believe there was a section about significant others / sexual partners not being permitted around the kids without the other person’s permission. Since the kids will be at the townhouse for ‘nesting,’ that permission probably won’t apply to the other place (!) W mentioned last night that if we go through with each of us rotating between the two places, that she doesn’t need much at the other place. Wonder why right? That if she is indeed having an A, it would be in the bed that I sleep in while it’s my turn to be there. Ew that is so f*cking gross on so many levels.
