Uncertain of What I Have (Thread 5)

[SteveLW]

Steve,

I had the realization: I wonder if W is calling me ‘fake’ and all that because I’m not reacting the way she expects.

That I’m establishing new behavior patterns and uprooting a lot of the old habits that I used to have (that she keeps referring to and beating me up about).

Maybe she is calling me a fake because she is looking for the old Bo, and can’t see something new through the WAS fog.

Very possible!! I've told this story before but right before my W returned to the being committed to the marriage, we took a trip to a church marriage retreat. It was on that retreat that she rebelled against the marriage for the last time. But on the way home we were really enjoying each other's company. We had pulled into a drive thru to get food. She was saying something silly. I laughed, repeated it the way she said it (in a, wow that's funny way), and laughed again. She turned, looked at me, and said "who are you?" Previous to BD her silliness would have annoyed me, and I would have impatiently reacted in a negative way.

So it's possible her fake claim is her way of not believing your changes. It takes a long time to trust that someone has changed. Anyone can change for a short time to attain an outcome we desire. It takes time and consistency to prove true change.