I guess I’m wondering if by her reactions that I’m doing it ‘well’—her calling me fake, like she’s talking to a brick wall, etc.
I’m sure she probably feels a loss of control—I didn’t react according to script when we went out and had that dinner—I’m sure she expected me to be angry or sad—rather, I didn’t say a whole lot, tried to validate, and thanked her for the chance to find someone I could truly be happy with (also wonder if THAT might be the source of her question about me having someone else).
Not to get all ‘doth protest too much,’ but I’m not in an affair, and I don’t think I’m anywhere close. Still trying to keep tight boundaries with the women in my life.
Trying to work on detachment—but not getting s*cked into her craziness is hard for me in the moment, especially in light of last night. Validating by repeating the last thing she said as a question has been rather positive.
180’ing on a lot—need to get back in to exercise now that I’ve basically kicked the illness from last week. I also did my best not to escalate in last night’s discussion. Trying to look her in the eyes. Trying to listen to her more. Avoid ‘you’ or ‘always’ or ‘never’ statements. Stating my needs better ‘I need from you,’ ‘What I need from you...’ One thing I used to do that she brought up last night that hurt her a ton during our MR was that she would point something out to me and I would overreact and spiral and go all ‘well that means I’m a terrible husband’ and this and that and the other. I feel terrible that I did that (I probably picked that up from my parents—I know it’s weak to blame others, though), but I haven’t done that in a long time (at least a few months, if not longer). I’m trying to kick a lot of the bad emotional habits and hang-ups that have held me back.
GAL’ing is difficult right now, honestly.
I am doubling down on love for the kiddos—they are getting tons of attention, especially YS.
What’s weird is that W this morning sends me a text: Anything you need me to grab from the grocery? I’m going to to try and swing by today
Just weird. ‘Normalcy,’ like last night barely happened.
