Well I think it comes down to this: 1) At one point we had a good marriage. We went through a lot together, a lot of hard times with the wonderful times. We were a great couple for a long time. We fell out of sync in many ways and XW went WW and gave up on us. 2) We are not the same people anymore. In many ways she has grown in areas that I always wanted her to, but for whatever reason she never did. I have had substantial growth in many ways as well. We like what we see in each other now and it is worth exploring. 3) I would probably regret it forever if we never tried again.
These are 3 very good reasons to not give up so soon. I think you owe it to yourself to explore if an R with her could ever work. The slower the approach, the better. This could take a very, very long time to evolve into something new. There is still hurt and damage, understandably.
I want to call Steve out on something he said because I think we all have these bottom lines, but the point becomes moot as time carries on and we all make changes. He said that if he and his W had D, then that would be it, there would be no chance for R. We ALL have those bottom lines, but how can you know what you don't know? I had many, many bottom lines! I am a strong woman. I would never in my life have thought I would stay with a cheater.
The thing is, when our S returns to us, we have both changed and so has our perspective on everything. So I personally do not believe anyone can say what they would or wouldn't do UNTIL they are actually in that sitch and it has happened.
My bottom line has always been any type of infidelilty, but not the D itself. My H never filed for D, but he did have a long A with someone that was a close friend of mine, while I hit rock bottom and we had 3 kids. Totally unforgivable in most peoples mind! I never in my wildedst dreams would have thought I would ever give him another chance. And then it happened. And everyhting changed. And here I am. These bottom lines and blanket statements are meaningless.
I have another bottom line. Actually it's the same bottom line. Any type of infidelity and he is out. I would not even look back, DB, nada. I would file myself and move on. I have already been through years of suffering and then more years of piecing. .... but guess what? It hasn't actually happened, so in reality, I don't know how I would respond.
Joe, you have all the time in the world to figure out where this will go and if this will work. Maybe you are not even ready to date and are just wanting to talk about dating. That is okay too. You don't have to make any decions today, next month, or even next year. Just live and learn. It will all unfold in time!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
