Dealing with a WW and finding my happiness pt. 5

[SoTorn]

Believe me I have tried. I have stood there in front of her and allowed her to vent and when she stops I calmly respond and before I can finish my sentence she starts up again. I have desperately tried to just have a normal, calm, rational conversation with her.

Unfortunately she is just so unreasonably combative I cannot have any sort of rational conversation with her. I can state that she has calmed down a bit, but she is deep in la la land and no matter what I do or say I get the same actions from her.

The only time where we speak and it's not confrontational is when we just randomly spark up a conversation. For example, WW asked me how my grandma is doing. I updated WW that grandma is passing soon and we chit chatted about grandmas state of mind and I told her about something funny my grandma said to me and she laughed.

I would prefer not to be straight up NC, but as of yet NC is the only way I can protect myself emotionally. My WW acts just like her mom. My MIL is a narcissist with a victim mentality. Through and through and now WW acts exactly the same. Everything I do no matter how mundane is chalked up to some sort of "gotcha" in her eyes.

This person my WW turned into is unreal. I'm not trying to act like a child by shutting the door, I just legitimately cannot handle the arguing and the only way I can get her to stop is by removing myself from her presence.

She doesnt argue every day. At first it was non stop multiple times per day. Now it's about every three days or so. She gets angry so fast its unreal. If WW asks the kids to do something and they give her the slightest pushback it will set her off into a bad mood and she will literally just start tossing insults and crap at everyone.

I even step in on her side when the kids give her pushback and I still end up getting some random insult thrown at me.

I have asked WW multiple times to please just be calm and stop with the confrontation. I have told her that I would be happy to speak with her about anything and that I would listen to whatever she has to say as long as she is not being hateful or mistreating me.

I am just so unbelievably tired of constantly having to defend myself against made up accusations. I truly am open to listening to whatever she has to say, even if its negative as long as she isnt being hateful, but she just cant do it.

This isnt something new either. WW has always been very hateful to me when she gets mad. Well before BD she told me things like I'm a horrible husband and father and that I have a low bar when measuring myself. I know it's not true. I know I made some poor decisions in the past but that's the past and I am absolutely not the same person.

The old ST would jump right into mortal combat and fight fight fight. We would chase each other around the house trying to get that last word in when we would argue. It wasnt constant but it wasnt healthy. It's been years since I have acted like that. I used to be the one who would remain in the room with her trying to "win" the argument.

But now it's just her, something sets her off and she spews hate and insults and when I try to speak calmly it's like trying to reason with a wall.

I truly believe that we could get passed this inability to communicate if we went to family counseling but she qont go. I'm actually going to set up a session for my kids and I and invite her anyway. I dont want to hate her. At bare minimum I want to remain on friendly terms with her.

I wish I could speak with her rationally. I would love to have a nice relaxed adult conversation with WW. Unfortunately, that's not something she can do.