Is she still in contact with OM? Is she engaging in girl gone wild activities?
Look, your anger and vindictiveness could ruin your chances of reconciling. When I read your post describing her words, I saw a woman who had been badly hurt by her H. I'm not excusing her affair, but I understand how a woman can feel lonely and her emotional needs ignored by her H for so long that she loses hope their MR will ever improve. She becomes vulnerable to some other guy that says all the right things and makes her feel special. If she has ended her affair and stopped other wayward activities, she may be at the point of wanting to reconcile. I don't know, I'm just wondering, based on her words.
So, my advice is to ditch your bad attitude and cut out the vindictiveness.........if you want her back. Stop making a point of completely staying away from her when she's home. Speak to her when you see her. Don't be rude and totally ignore her. Share some time in the same room with her. If she sees you not being mad at her, maybe things will make a turn in the right direction.
I got the impression from what she said that perhaps she thinks you are the one currently wanting the divorce, b/c you are so angry at her.
She is still in contact with the OM and visits him every weekend. AFAIK she is not engaging in GGW stuff. I think she has settled down. The lifestyle is catching up to her and is affecting her physical health. She told me of another potential health issue yesterday. She is trying to make light of it, but she is scared.
I told her that have fully forgiven her. When I said those words, I felt the remnants of anger of her choices leaving me. I told her I have been acting like a prick and a$$hole and I would work on that. Since that day, I have been much more pleasant to her. I have been offering some help when she needs it (I'm not at her beck and call. I still wait to respond to her messages). It's only been 10 days since I cut the vindictiveness and anger, but I am feeling some positivity not only in myself but between her and I as well.
Small steps. It means not much, but then again, it could mean something turning around.
And your impression is correct, Sandi. I truly think she does not want a divorce and she has been waiting for me to respond to her tests to turn it around. I think I am finally at that point where I have made enough positive changes and gained enough strength to start focusing on my contribution to save the M. By NO means am I saying that I am done changing because I am definitely not. I have a lot to fix. My anger is still something I need to work on. I still do not have a grip on my NGS. And I am starting to get some therapy for my sex issues.
