Here is one example of why I think semantics get in the way. IMO, someone could say that you had a "covert contract" when you gave your W a year and didn't tell her. But, Covert Contracts are bad? I don't see it that way.
I don't think what you gave her was a covert contract. A covert contract is when you think: "If I do X, then I expect her to do Y." Nice Guys do this all the time, and the pout and go passive-aggressive when their Y expectation is not met.
What you did was make a pronouncement: "I will not remain in a SSM." And then you set a timeline for YOUR action. This is a good thing. When I spoke to an anti-DB expert early in my sitch she said that you should be a time limit on how long you will wait for her to fully commit back to the marriage before you go file for D. Her suggestion was at least a year. That is why I had the following principle I was adhering to: "If she isn't fully committed back to the marriage by the anniverary of BD, then I will file for D."
No one expects you to put up with your current sitch forever. Even your W deep down doesn't expect that. She might be comfortable in it but logically she knows that your current arrangement is not sustainable forever. You've put up with a ton, RR. I feel for you man, and I support you in whatever you decide from this point forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
