Totally new to this

[SoTorn]

You found a great place. Take all of the advice and apply it. You are no longer making changes in yourself for your H. Everything you do from this point forward is for you. You need to get out of the mindset where you have expectations regarding your H behavior when you make changes in yourself.

Instead of thinking "if I do xxx will H do xxx?" You need to think "how will I benefit from changing xxx?"

Detach yourself. It's much harder than it sounds. The best way to do this is to GAL like mad. Keep yourself insanely busy. Go do things for yourself and with your child that you have always wanted to do.

Also, your H is wayward. He was messaging the OW because they are having an A. At minimum they are having an EA. Dont assume nothing has happened, assume that everything has happened. Stop snooping, stop trying to figure it out because all you will do is hurt yourself more.

You have received the gift of time to work on yourself. Everything you do moving forward is to better yourself period. Stop talking about R with H. Detach detach detach. You are not doing this to punish him or to get hos attention. Detaching is to protect yourself emotionally. This is a very long and hard journey. But once you accept that your relationship aka MR 1.0 is over, you will gain a new perspective.

Take note of your shortcomings and work on doing a 180 on those points. Make sure to eat and stay hydrated. The level of stress is going to be nothing you have ever experienced before in your life. You will feel worse at times than when you lost your mom and dad. Allow yourself to grieve. Do not show any other emotion besides contentment and happiness in front of H. If you get upset, dont hold it in, go for a walk and cry, yell, scream at the sky.

You got this. You will not die, you will get through this. Time to be the best version of yourself every minute of every day.

My sitch os very young, but I took the advice here and detached myself from my WW. I was extremely hurt and sad for months. Now I am content and happily moving forward with my life and making myself happy.

My biggest piece of advice is do NOT allow yourself to get sucked into temperature checks. You will make yourself feel horrible and you will be hurt and sad if you allow the temp checks to draw you in.

You are going to hear stuff from your H like "why dont you talk to me?" Or "how come you are always gone, or in your room?" Or "how come you dont pay attention to me? Where are you? Who are you with? Who are you talking to?

Don't let him give you false hope because it hurts badly. If you can detach lovingly do so, if not, as in my sitch, go no contact or minimal contact as much as possible.

Also, journal here as often as you can. If you have something you want to say to H or ask him, ask here first for direction on how to approach it or if you should at all.

DB works. It works 100% on healing yourself and bettering yourself.