My H is one of the most loving, generous and open minded people I know. He is also the best father I could imagine for our kids. What I have learned on this journey is that anyone (even ourselves) is capable of things we never thought possible.

About 5 years ago I felt an increasing distance from my H. It was hard to understand what was happening because I was dealing with other hardships, including my ailing father. I remember sitting at the nursing home with my dad, trying to be present with him, he was so frail and paranoid, yet feeling guilty that I was distracted by what was going on at home. I just could sense something was off with my H and couldn't shake the feeling that he was developing a close friendship with our mutual friend. She was also someone I thought would never hurt or betray me. We started arguing about her and he steadfastly denied anything was going on.

Then my father died. My H was so loving and supportive; he always was. I had such a black cloud over me. Not long after that he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me. I hit rock bottom and did all the desperate things. He continued to mantain there was no affair, and even prooved more than once that he cut off any friendship with her outside of our circle. I knew in my mind neither one would do anything, but my gut just didn't feel right.

It wasn't long after that they were caught hanging out in a public place, a place far from us and that I would never go to. Our worlds blew up. At first he was drowning in guilt and promised to do anything. He told her no more contact and promised me he had wanted to tell me and end it. It had not been a PA, but it was an EA with kissing. I just couldn't handle what was happening and really fell apart. His distanace killed me. I continued to do all the wrong things. I would cry and beg or I would yell and accuse. His guilt and remorse was there, but his emotional distance was dreadful. I finally told him that if he wasn't 100% in this M then to get the h3ll out. .... and so he did. For 10 long months. And there she was, waiting to leave her family and do anything to have him. She told him everything he needed and wanted to hear.

My H is the last person I would have ever thought was capable of hurting me or doing anything so crazy. It still blows my mind when I think abuot it! He eventually realized he was making the biggest mistake of his life, dropped her, and came back. We've been working hard at it for almost 4 years. Piecing this M back together after that damage is the hardest thing I have ever done.

I can't go back and change how poorly I reacted or handled things post BD, but I wish I could. I was a mess and could not compose myself at all. So instead I post here.

Please listen to the advice if you can. These people are the best. We are all here for you!

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela