LBS dealing with WW (part 7) (piecing?)

[Joe2017]

Hi Sandi, I'm responding from my phone, so this might not flow well. I'll try to speak to different parts of your post in order as I read.

Physical appearance:
Yeah, it bothers me. She has been skinny her whole life except for the years when she has been with me including now. That's tough to feel because it makes me feel like I am not worth the work it takes for her to be the most attractive version of her. I understand how shallow that seems, but it's more about the feeling than her body.

ExGF:
This is a relationship I had post D. We broke up prior to XW reconnecting with me. The party was a huge deal to XW because I she felt like I ghosted her. She acted out of being hurt. Overreacted, yes. When I saw the chain of texts I knew not to respond to her at all. It would have led to a fight. She thought I was ignoring her and her mind wandered to me cheating. She said something to the effect of "oh now you get to hurt me back? We're even" or something like that. I did not set out to use exGF as a way to get back at XW, but I understand that perspective. I bring her up a lot because I have been having strong feelings of regret for breaking up with her.

Flirting and Jealousy:
No, I've never actively flirted with women in front of her but women have flirted with me in front of her before. I did not flirt back, but that doesn't matter to her as much I suppose. Do we both have jealousy issues? Maybe you're right. In our MR I gave her a lot of freedom and I did not worry about her being around other men. Now I do because I got burned really badly. It is hard for me to deal with. I am seeing IC.

Our Relationship:
We are in an exclusive dating situation, and not living together. If XW went on a date with someone else, I would not like it because she would be breaking our agreement. It started out being less exclusive and more casual, but XW decided during the first week that she wanted to invest in trying to rekindle a LTR with me, hopefully one day leading to remarriage. I agreed with being exclusive because I felt like it was the right way to do things, is less complicated, and I wanted to see where this road leads. There are times when we don't see each other for a few days in a row, so there is plenty of space between us. As far as the marriage thing goes, I am not being pressured. She mentions it as her dream goal, but she doesn't ask me for a timeline. She told me the other day that she felt like maybe I wasn't sure, and if I need to figure things out on my own we can hit pause. She said she wasn't intending on dating anyone and she is OK on her own. She said she talked to me a few times and realized she was in love with me, but "for the right reasons" and she feels like she understands more about what love is now. About how it's more than just a feeling and that it's a choice you make every day.

Transparency:
She lets me know about any communication she gets from other men. Her AP contacted her via text about some box he is missing. She let me know about it. It upsets me that she even responded to him but all it was was her saying no, and she took a screenshot and sent it to me. She has given me all of her passwords and access to her phone. She checks in with me regularly when we are apart. She gave me location access to her phone. These are all things she would have never done during our MR.

XW Pursuing me?
Well, pursuit is good from some angles right? I can 100% say that she has done every single thing I've asked of her so far. From the color of lipstick, to the way her hair is worn, to what she calls me, what she wears, she has adjusted to what I want from her. She texts me throughout the day to let me know she's thinking about me. She compliments me more. She's been asking me for opinions on almost all of the aspects of her life now. (During our MR, she hated asking me for advice). She does not argue with any of my decisions about daily things, like where we're eating or what we're doing. That's a huge 180 for her, actually. She could be acting, but she has been putting her best foot forward for the past month in a relatively consistent manner.

Anyhow... Thanks for responding Sandi. As always you've given me a ton of things to think about.