A familiar story with questions NINE

[RR17]

You gave a boundary (no SSM), she sees that as you starting to look at moving on. She is going to do things to try to give you hope.

BINGO! She wants to see how serious I am. How things are going to be. I think she also wants to let me know that she heard what I said.
I already let her know that I not pouting.

Well, that's fine in a dating relationship. It is also the thing to do when a LBS is detaching from a wayward spouse. However, in a healthy MR, both spouses should have a warm, loving, intimate, emotional connection. Some H's may feel connected by having sex, whereas, some W's need to feel emotionally connected in order to desire a sexual relationship. For the W, sex is the expression of her emotional connection to her H.

I'm not suggesting you are in the piecing stage, b/c you aren't, IMHO. However, I want you to understand that when you are reconciling and preparing to enter into the piecing stage, you should not intentionally be emotionally unavailable to your spouse. In order to piece the MR back to a healthy place, you have to get back that emotional connection to each other. You go from detaching to connecting.

I realize this. Especially after yesterday. But this is a dance that we have done for over two decades. It's what W is comfortable with because it's familiar. I believe she fears a change will forfeit her control. IMO

Time will tell.