Is she tainted? It's not like touching her repulses me, so I don't think so.
No, but you have asked the question of why should you settle for leftovers....or something similar to that affect. You were describing how she had let her appearance fall, and that she felt you were more accepting of her than some other men might be. At any rate, her lack of effort in her physical appearance seems to bother you. I'm not saying you are wrong, just wondering if it went deeper, or if was b/c you knew you were free to pick & choose.
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This is more like, I am suddenly jealous. I never had jealousy issues before, really. Now I do? Yuck. I don't like this feeling. Jealous people cheat. She was always the jealous one.
I'm not sure exactly how your jealousy connects with the first part of your sentence. But......since you have brought up the subject of jealousy, I'm going to add my thoughts about the XGF situation. I wasn't going to say anything when I saw the other posters respond, but you seem to have brought up this XGF several times now. You also admitted that your XW was bothered by how you seemed too "flirty" with other women. Are you flirty with other women in the presence of your XW? Are you on a date with your XW and being flirty with other women? If so, then you are out of line. You would not find it in good taste if she flirted with other men while on a date with you. Maybe it is a difference of opinion of you just being very "friendly" to the ladies. Anyway, if you know your date doesn't appreciate it, then you either need to be considerate of those feelings, or stop dating the woman. You've already said she felt insecure, so are you enjoying taunting her? Is this payback for the jealousy she's caused in you?
And then there's the party she was not invited to, but you attended anyway......and knowing your XGF would be there. I agree that your XW over reacted, and this jealousy problem must end before you reconcile/piece with her. I also understand the other posters saying you are divorced and can do whatever you want. That's true enough. I think your XW was upset that you attended this friend's party after knowing how they felt about her. In fact, you appeared to delight, just a little bit, in how they was a almost rude about her not being invited. Maybe it's just how I read it, but that was what I sensed. It also seem to delight a little bit, knowing she was jealous that you would be going to a a friend's house where your XGF would be there, also. You said she has always been jealous of XGF, so clearly, you didn't care and proceeded to pour salt in the wound. Yes, you are certainly free to go anywhere without your XW's blessings. You are free to flirt with all your XGF's or possible new GF's. But I think you are bringing up this XGF just a little too much, if you were not enjoying the effect it had on your XW. You were or are jealous of her OM, and you had the opportunity to pay her back a little. So, both of you have jealousy issues. I'm not picking on you. I'm just pointing out what I saw differently than the other posters.
Your XW is pursuing you hot & heavy. If she doesn't know who & what she is outside of a relationship, maybe she needs more time alone. There are a lot of people who have no self identity outside of their job or relationship. I don't think it is a good decision to enter into another long-term relationship with her, feeling as uncertain as you currently feel. Have you dated others since being divorced? How would you feel if your XW had a date with someone now, since you've been dating her? I mean, is this an exclusive dating relationship? If she is talking marriage, then you know she is serious. That doesn't mean you must go along with it, but if you are gun shy, then you need to tell her very clearly.....and tell her that she must slow down and stop talking marriage, or risk losing you. Let me add something else. She is being on her very best behavior, b/c she is trying to convince you to marry her. However, nothing has been resolved from the past MR. Hopefully, she has ended her GGW lifestyle, and corrected her wayward behavior and mindset.......but good actress can fake it for awhile. She has already demonstrated a negative side, when she over reacted to you attending that party without her. Maybe she had cause to be upset, but regardless.....her actions were extreme. Was she reacting b/c she has a need to manipulate you, or was she hurt? Lately, you kind of down play her reactions, but you need to see them as a red flag.
Please continue to take things very slowly. Ask yourself why she is in such a rush to get you to marry her. Do you need to explore dating others before settling down again? If so, then end it with your XW. The longer you date her, the more she is going to feel she has rights to you........know what I mean?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
