13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

Hi Steve,

Yes I am, and have been since mid august 2018. I guess, I have been explaining my sitch, but from the wrong point of view. This is my story:

Basically I have been dealing with severe depression that has its origin in me "catching" a chronic stomic sickness (english is not my mother tongue, hope you understand) in my early twenties. I had just finished military duty and had been cleared for officer school however, when I was diagnosed, all my dreams for my future went south in a matter of weeks. So... I have always been a very outgoing, confident and popular person, since sports have come natural to me, and well, classical story I guess, with success on the field comes popularity outside of the field.

But... Here we were, Hurt213, 22 years old, no plans for the future, dreams collapsed, and now, a life with medicin and checkups at the hospital every 2nd week for years to come, perhaps the rest of my life. <-- That screams for professional help, however I would have none of it, my girlfriend my family and my close friends all talked about it, however I shot it down and said everything was okay. It wasn't.

I ended up pursuing a career of which my ww had enrolled to (teaching). It was never what I dreamt of, nor was it anything I had a real interest in, however I had already begun slipping into the depression (IC statement) since I was already giving up on the person I was, the person people liked, and the person I liked. I had begun making choices, not out of interest, but choices that reflected the person I was beginning to attach too in an unhealthy manner, because it was taking control with my life (ww).

So Hurt213 studied for 4 years and finished the education. Had D4 while we studied. My friends slowly faded as I chose to spend my days being at school, and then returning home to be with WW, who did not really socialize much either (she told me during the break up, that she felt like she had to stay home with me - she never communicated the issue though). So I felt like everything was okay, I didn't mind the fact that my friendcircle was rapidly decreasing. I didn't nurture it, it didn't matter. I got more and more closed in, and just spent my time trying to be a really good boyfriend and father. WW seemed to enjoy it, we made plans for the future, house purchase and everything was just falling like pearls on a string. All the while, I was attaching more and more, and lost more and more of my self. I had become a fulltime pleaser, but my physique (was jacked in my early twenties due to massive time invested in sports, ate real healthy and focused on taking care of my self) rapidly went down hill because I had no appetite with the new sickness, and could go for a day without feeling hunger. WW said she felt like it was her responsibility to take care of me and make sure I ate (I was like a 2nd child). I became thin, didn't take care of my self like I had earlier, and guess I wasn't very attractive.

I didn't see these things, and I guess it went on, however we had fun, we talked about our dreams, we had S1 and though I had many days in bed, with depression, when we had good days, they were really good. I tried to help where I could, but she had her hands full with two small children, full time job and me being depressed and having medicine not working as it should.

So this brings us to 2018 July. Her EA has begun, I know nothing of this. We had a killer summer holiday with lots of activities, I was feeling great, had lots of energy, and we went out, she was all over me this summer, hugs, kisses, sex hasn't been this good for as long as I can remember. I had the energy to help out, take the kids out so she could relax, do things I hadn't done in a long time. It turns out, that my new medicines that I started on in june, completely shut down the infection in my stomach. So in august when the affair was revealed, and she broke it off with me, I had energy, I had begun surfacing. We went to MC before the affair was revealed, and the therapist told me in a single session that she would advice me to see her colleague because she was certain there was a lot I needed to deal with (she was so right).

So I took her on the offer, and have been in therapy since, and I am now, 6 months later, getting back to being jacked, I feel way more confident, I am beginning to see the person I was, and my infection numbers are still as a "normal persons". but the attachment to WW, because she was so much to me, when I was so far down, is something I am struggling with.

To put it black and white. She has been through a lot. I hope she takes it with her to her next relationship, that she learns to communicate, because I was unable to see the signs in my state of mind, and she didn't express herself so I understood. We could have dealt with a lot of things, but in the end she chose to leave me, and wreck a family of two little kids for a fling, and this is her life, so she can choose to do that, but the consequences are, that she can't be part of my life other than what involves the kids, because I need to detach, and the only way I can (what I feel is working at least) is if I am in as little contact with her as possible. (can't and won't go dark because of our two little ones - but our interactions can be businesslike and only about the kids).

Wall of text, but I felt like I needed to write my story.

/H