Well, I feel like it's time to give an update to my sitch. Im not sure what Ive shared where, but here are the basics.
3/2015 I got the BD/ILYBNILWY speech after 10 years of marriage. We separated in 4/2015 and divorced officially in 11/2015. I have two kids in elementary school. I came here around the time we separated and tried to do the best I could with respect of DB. Unfortunately, my ex wife found herself here and was a "step ahead' the whole time. Had things played out differently, maybe some of these techniques would have worked, but she felt manipulated, tricked, and hurt by the information here. In any case, she married OM in 2016.
In November, 2015, I made a difficult decision to begin dating again. I was not really looking for anything serious and kind of was just dabbling with meeting people online to help me regain my confidence and to meet people. Somehow, I lucked in to meeting an incredible woman the 4th time I decided to meet up with someone. Im not sure how much of those postings remain on the site, but it was a hard transition for me to learn to be with someone new. I was extremely lucky that she was patient with me and allowed me the time to work though whatever residual feelings and hangups I had relating to my XW. While our relationship moved fairly quickly, all things considered, I have since spent a long time kind of 'waiting' to make sure that I was with the "right" person instead of just settling for "a" person. In June, 2018, we were engaged. I know she was waiting/expecting for such an occasion a lot earlier, but I felt I owed it to myself and to my kids to make sure that this was going to be a lasting relationship and not just something for convenience. We were married a week and a half ago and I couldnt be more happy and excited about our present and our future.
I just wanted to let everyone know how much this site has meant to me over the years. While Ive probbly posted more information than I should have many times, the advice here has been candid and has helped me to look at my life, my interactions, my thoughts, my reactions and so on in a completely different way. While it wasnt effective in saving my last marriage, I believe that the lessons Ive learned will save THIS marriage. In fact, my first book after getting married is the 7 principles for making marriage work by Gottman
I plan to continue to post here as much as I can. Sometimes, the constant sadness in reading new situations brings me down, but I feel like the sense of community is so valuable that I want to continue to pass on whatever information I can. So thank you again for all of your support!
