13 years and 2 kids pt. 4.

[Hurt213]

New day, new goals.

So I woke up this morning, wiser than yesterday, although still a novice and I felt pretty good. D4 wasn't feeling well, so I cancelled a late meeting today, and will be picking her and S1 up early from daycare. We are going to just tug in on the couch with a couple of good story books (yep my S1 actually can sit still and listen to those books for quite a while, and D4 loves it).

Tonight when the kids are sleeping, I will be sorting out our shared folders with document, and take whatever belongs to me, and sort them in folders for myself, so I have a complete overview. Then I plan to sort some laundry, clean my house good and thoroughly, do a bit of home workout (Yea pretty hard to get out and hit the gym when I have the kids on my own, so I invested in some barbells so I can keep up on my "off week).

Tomorrow when my kids are sleeping, my neighbor is coming over, we are planing a golf trip to Portugal in march, and we are going to finish up ordering courses to play, hotel and other trips while we are there.

All in all, the day is good, and the 2x4 I once again got slammed in my face (and I appreciate it, I really do), makes me reflect and grow.

So immediate work I need to do:

- Work on my NGS - I know, that I am enabling ww behaviour and cake eating with my behavior and approval seeking, as you guys have mentioned. I just find it so bloody hard to let go of her, because I see how she is making some really poor choices (yep, that is me telling my self that I know what is right and wrong, however it doesn't change anything - she does what she does). I need to tell my self, that her choices have consequences, and I can not save her anymore, I should not. She ended things and kept me in the dark from her affair, and still, I am a little puppy waiting for the smallest of acknowledgment. That behavior is taking a 180 now.

- Work on my confidence - I actually already feel great when she is not around, I notice female acknowledgment in the gym - I am back to being on top of my work, and I am enjoying it. I enjoy my time alone with my kids, and I am not scared about selling the house, and starting a new future for me and my kids in an apartment somewhere. When WW enters my mind (usually when she texts me, or if I notice a place in town, or a place that holds a memory of the two of us) I use the stop sign technique where I think of a stop sign and visualize it inside of my head - that is super helpfull.

So definitely I need to put my energy into NGS and approval seeking behavior - letting completely go of the responsibility I still feel I have over her. It is no longer my problem, I deserve more, I am better is what I will tell my self daily.

I hope you all have a wonderful day around the globe.
/H