Definition and Guidelines for Piecing

[joejoe1]

I would like to add a few things. Most LBS really believe they are the priority in piecing, but that's not the case and shouldn't be any person's attitude when trying to strengthen a M. It's true that a WS or WAS has done a lot of damage and hurting, but they went Wayward or Walked away for a reason and those problems has to be addressed just as much as the A.

There's is no one script that fit piecing, but these are great guidelines that I wish I had when my W and I decided to work on our M.

I would flood my W with my emotions and really didn't care how it made her feel. I became so weak and unattractive after DBing. My emotions were all over the place and they were dam near uncontrollable. I had pushed so much down to DB, that after we reconciled I couldn't control all the questions and hurt I felt.

I was on a roller coaster for real. And my W was too blame. That's how I felt but I was wrong. I control my actions and decisions and that took me a long time to understand. My W decided to stay in the M, because of my DBing, the key word was she "decided", and it takes a lot of courage and self reflection for a WAS or WS to even decide to come back to a place where they know they have caused so much pain. And will have to take an honest look at the person they hurt or people and deal with a lot of dumping on them.

As a LBS the attention and focus needs to be on your on healing and less on trying to fix and punish your S. The more LBS focus on their own healing the more the WS will feel open and relaxed to keep moving forward with the M.

Another thing that most men need to focus on is being intimate, not having sex but getting to the darkest, deepest depths of your S soul. Most women already know what intimacy really mean. Most men have a hard time understanding what it really means. My W loves it when I taste her food as soon as it comes off the stove or out the oven. She loves to tell me about her lists (she loves making list). I use to blow her list off. But she puts a lot of work into her cooking and list, so now I know that listening to her go down every item and I say yay or nay is important to her. ( She feels like I get her and have prioritized her). In turn she does the same for me. And I get some kisses and on occasion when the boys are sleep early I get some late night action.

Love languages are a must and to properly piece the LL must be known. If you have to ask, ask your S what their LL are. Without knowing the LL you will continue to love your S in your LL and it will become a very frustrating period. Also LBS must know their own LL, communicate your LL to your S and when they aren't meeting them, give them a gentle reminder. Remind them a 1000 times if you have too, if your S is showing progress that's what really matters.

LBS will make mistakes and do things wrong while piecing, my W calls me on my Sh!t all the time, I have continued to work on and learn to accept her critiques, most of the time she is really trying to support me and help me become better. Before I would just get really defensive. Now we listen and are patient and slow in our response, not all the time, but we working on it.

Peicing is a whole new relationship and beginnings and must be treated as such. Both parties have a lot of blame to fling around, but that won't help, so move forward with love, care and empathy. A M is an institution of constant learning, if ever you feel you have mastered you M, you need to reevaluate and refocus, because there's no such thing, but there is a harmonious place in love.

Onward and forward.