If i could go back in time, the one thing i wish i did was gather intel early. Meaning private eye. It would have saved me tons of time doing BS. Projecting, Walking on egg shells, trying to change. . Being a light house. It would have saved me money too in the long run.
Thats because my boundary is cheating and withdrawing 700 a week from family funds for years. You think you know these people but you dont. We end up projecting our own feelings and morals on them and taking advice from others that project their own feelings and morals on them instead of getting factual information.
Your husband is treating you badly. He is being inappropriate with your friend. He is gaslighting you. That is enough. That is a lot of info. But i get it. Its hard to accept. And it can be a lengthy process to accept it.
Its not a shock that this happened after trauma. I was pregnant and diagnosed with cancer prior to BD. These spouses are the type that do this when the going gets tough. I think they are inherently selfish and it takes trauma to know who soneone is at the core. Its easy to be good and nice and loyal when everything is sunshine and rainbows. But the true colors reveal themselves when it rains.
Get your info so you know what you are dealing with. Dont speculate or guess. I doubt you need to change. He is gaslighting.
