I think your explanation is very good. And i agree with a lot of what you write.
I just disagree with a LBS taking back a WS that is not fully recovered. I think that the LBS undergoes tons of trauma. And i think that being with someone who is still recovering from their affair partner and just not that interested in the LBS at this point, is a way to further inflict trauma. It is not good for someones soul to be with someone that does not truly want to be with you. Even if their actions are respectful. I think it devalues the LBS to take someone back thats not truly into it. I think the LBS has to be in a position that they are ok by themselves. Perhaps they need to also date others and see whats out there. So that they too can make a choice based on the same knowledge or experience. This alll has to be done first, i think.
We see tons of cases on here in which people report that their spouse left them again. They DB'd, reconciled, and pieced and then 5, 10 years later spouse did it again...oops. just like brittney. i think this happens, because the LBS was never really valued. They were lighthouses. Inanimate objects, always to be counted on. Like a good parent. Always there, always forgiving. But people like that arent as valuable to people that are not truly committed at the core.
You once wrote a great post to a pregnant poster whose ex was cheating for the 2nd time. You said that there was some type of inherent difference between waywards and LBS. You didnt understand how LBS put up with things that Waywards did.
Adult love needs conditions and boundatries or else unhealthy dynamics form. We would never advise a person to date someone that is still into their ex. Thats just a glutton for punishment. And once someone cheats or leaves, the marrige is basically already ended. So piecing individuals are not fixing an old marriage, they are basically building anew. Meaning both sides might need to be healed for it to actually work.
