My Story Pt 2

[Manta]

HI Manta,

It's so unfair and sad what you're going through. It's so cruel and on one hand your wife doesn't ever deserve to have you back and yet you love her and wish she'd come back. It's such a no-win situation. It's great that you're focused on healing but the pain sadly doesn't just disappear as fast as we wish, especially when you really, truly loved your wife.

Thanks Nicole, you're right. Even today, after nearly 4 months of not seeing her and knowing shes "in love" with someone else, i still love her. I can't switch it off. I have no interest in other women right now. Who knows what 2019 will bring me. Perhaps i will meet a wonderful new woman, who wouldn't ever dream of breaking my heart & trust.

It was nice to hear from her family, as I know they're sad & hurt also on what WW has done, not just to me but also the family. I was happy to at least be thought of.

[NicoleR]

Hi Manta,

This won't last forever. When I was totally hopeless and feeling exactly the way you're feeling now my husband suddenly came back. We had a second chance but it didn't work. You may not want to give your wife a second chance even if she comes back because it could prolong your misery and the marriage could still fail. However, I strongly believe it's admirable to be committed to your marriage, to wait a long period of time for your wife to come back, to keep loving her and believing in her ability to make the right decision, and to have hope until the day the divorce is final because people can change if they truly want to. Obviously there's a higher chance that your wife wasn't as committed or mature as she should have been from the beginning, so she may be lost for a long, long time and it may be more humane for you to let her go, but I still believe that divorce should the last resort and you're doing the right thing by practicing DB and waiting to see what happens.

[Manta]

Journaling: New Years Eve. 6.30pm GMT

I'm feeling very sad and depressed today. A lot of reflecting on 2018, the miscarriages, trying to buy a house with my WW, then DDay in August.

I can't help but feel sad and lost as this year comes to a close. I'm glad it's ending and I pray 2019 will be more positive for me. It can't really get any worse. I would have never dreamt 12 months ago, that 2018 would be so miserable for me.

I haven't heard from my WW since early October, where she messaged me saying she wanted a Divorce.

The last time I saw her in person and spoke to her properly was mid-September.

I'm trying to focus on what i have in my life, good friends and family who all love and care about me. I can't change the feeling that I was discarded so cruelly and coldly by someone who said: "I love you more than I love myself".

I will continue to work on myself and GAL. I'm detaching and have not initiated anything to her since September. I have no idea what she's doing or how she's feeling. AFAIK, the A is still ongoing.

The next 6-12 months will tell a lot.

[Manta]

Journaling:

No update, but it's a new year and 2018 is finished.

I'm feeling pretty good the last week. With Christmas and New Year over, I'm happy that I made it through. I didn't break NC, or reach out to WW. I have been busy doing outdoor work at home ([parents house) in the garden and back to work yesterday. I haven't cried in over a week and a half. My weight is good, considering it's post-Christmas.

I treated myself to some little gifts and vouchers I received during the holidays.

I'm going to plan a little Sun holiday for myself in March I think. This would be nice. I can't remember the last time I did something good for Manta.

I can't stay living with my parents forever and will start making plans soon to get a place of my own. I need my own privacy and space. Overall Manta is doing well.

I still miss my WW. I do love her still, in my own peculiar way. But I'm not holding out for an R as strong as I was a few weeks ago. I have accepted that she is gone. I have accepted the WW she now is and the poor decisions she has made in her life. One day, her fantasy and affair will crumble.

I know I will hear from her sometime, that's inevitable. I'm still off social media and chat groups. I'm not dating or haven't met anyone. Right now, that's not important for me. I need to get back to feeling normal and happy again. Doing nice things for myself and spending time with family and friends. I'm not holding out for her contact.

Sometimes pangs of sadness and loneliness get me, especially at nights and early in the morning. My sleep has improved also my appetite. It does make me sad/angry knowing how selfish and cruel my WW was towards me and all the lies she told. That's something she has to live with.

I'm proud of myself and how far i have come since August 2018.

I pray and meditate a lot. I hope 2019 will be a good year.

<3 to all of you.

[Manta]

Journaling:

Yesterday was tough. It was the 5th year anniversary of my best friend, who tragically died of brain cancer at the age of 30 years of age back in 2014. I went to church and prayed for him like I do every day for the past few years. I wish he was still here, as I know he would be great for advice. God rest him.

It's now over 4 months since I last saw/spoke to my wife in person.

3.5 months since my wife told me by a message, she wanted a D.

3 months since I sent her the legal letter, she never responded too.




I'm in an angry phase now. Very pi$$ed at everything my WW has done and the cowardice & disrespect she has shown. The emotional immaturity shown is appalling.

I'm still detached, in NC and GAL. Installed a dating app this weekend. I don't want anything right now, as i really have nothing to offer. I would just like to talk to a few people, maybe meet a few new friends. I'm working out, still in very good shape and busy with work and keeping in contact with all my friends. They're very supportive and can't understand why my WW did this.

She has made no effort to talk to me, or see me or R. We only work about 15 mins from each other, but she's living a WW lifestyle now. I don't want to engage with her as she's still in the A, afaik.

I'm not on social media. I haven't stalked or looked at her profile. I don't want to know what she's doing.

If she wants to speak to me, she knows how to contact me.

I'm moving forward. Full steam.

[SteveLW]

Manta, I am not seeing a mention of kids. If this the case, I say cut and run> I am pretty anti-divorce. I think it is immoral even. UNLESS one spouse has cheated on the other. In that case the innocent spouse is well within their moral right to D, and move on with someone new. With no kids involved I would suggest, against DBing, to file for D, see it through, and move on with your life. You are only 35. Heck, I got married when I was 29! You have lots of life ahead of you, no need to wait for a cheater to comeback home when there are no kids involved.

[Manta]

Manta, I am not seeing a mention of kids. If this the case, I say cut and run> I am pretty anti-divorce. I think it is immoral even. UNLESS one spouse has cheated on the other. In that case the innocent spouse is well within their moral right to D, and move on with someone new. With no kids involved I would suggest, against DBing, to file for D, see it through, and move on with your life. You are only 35. Heck, I got married when I was 29! You have lots of life ahead of you, no need to wait for a cheater to comeback home when there are no kids involved.

I know Steve.

There is no kids involved. This time last year my WW was pregnant, however we had a 2nd misscarrige in less than 3 month's. It was devastating for us both. We both wanted Children so much.

Look, i love her Steve.

I have over 6 years invested in her. I know that whatever happens ill be ok. I'm realistic about my situation and know that the chances of R are slim right now.

If we divorce, then i will move on regardless. She may or may not return. If she does, i might not even want her back.

But right now today, I'm trying to stand for my M, even if it's only a tiny bit of hope.

[SteveLW]

Manta, admittedly I have a different outlook than I did a year and a half ago. My W had an EA in 2005. Then one at the end of 2017. My new boundary is one more time and she is out. I have a lot more to offer her than she does me. I am AMOFWL. I know my own worth. I am awesome. And as such I don't wait for anyone EVER again.

Find your own power. Its okay to love her AND not be with her. Is she the only woman you've ever loved?

[Manta]

I know my worth too Steve. I'm successful and have a wonderful career. I'm honest, kind and always had a positive outlook on life. I'm always there to help my friends and give them support when needed.

I have a gsoh and can get up and make people laugh and sing. I'm Irish, so I love my music and having the craic.

I have lots of good honest lifetime friends, who have always been there for me through the years.

I was never afraid of meeting women and when the time is right, I know I can meet someone again. I'm just not there yet. My heart is with my WW.... It's something I can't just turn off...

She has hurt me deeply and I don't know can I ever forgive her.

I want to be happy and 2019 I'm focusing on me again. I'm planning little holidays and weekends away already. I'm not sitting here pining and hoping that my phone will ring. I have a feeling in time, she will come back when the fantasy wears off and she realizes all the hurt she caused not just me, but her family, mutual friends and also her own self-respect. Most likely, it will be when I have moved on and have given up hope.

I hold my head up high. I'm not perfect, but I was a good husband and did my best for her. She blew it.
I'm not waiting for her to return, but I'm mentally preparing myself for whatever will happen and getting stronger day by day in the process.

[SteveLW]

Only you know when you are ready. But take it from someone that got what he thought he wanted: reconciliation. I question every day if I took the right approach.