A familiar story with questions EIGHT

[RR17]

So today was the Day. After much thought and prayer, I pulled the trigger and told W that I didn't plan to stay in an SSM. I didn't exactly stick to my plan to STFU. We had an R talk.
It went good and parts were less than good. But this has to happen sometimes.

I shared that a SSM has a profound effect on an otherwise healthy male. She listened and it seemed like some new revelation that she never considered.
I explain how to me it had felt that she controlled too much in this MR. She controlled:

Money
respect
Sex

I acknowledged that she may not feel that way but that I did. And that that was not a dynamic that I was used to. nor one that I felt that she respected. She listened like I was sharing ideas that were never considered.

I explained that I wanted her to know that I constantly took her position into consideration. That I didn't always know how she felt but that I tried to imagine how she may have felt and that it mattered to me.

Anyway, as you can imagine several issues were touched on but I figure that you want to hear how she responded.

Today's cryptic message "But, I can't go back"

I validated and then I tried in the most delicate way possible to get her to expand on this. No easy feat. Yea, I get that she doesn't want to but I see this has some associated meanings.
I explained that if she felt that resuming our sex life would somehow grant license for other negative behaviors to return that I didn't see the connection but could understand how she might.
I did point out that she had expressed how at one time she said she felt that the only reason I liked her was for the sex. I said that I had hoped that in the last 7 months that she had seen that that was not the case.

Several times she looked like she was searching for words and because I have a habit of jumping in during the extended silences, I asked her if she had something and she would just say "No".

On a somewhat positive note. While sharing my thoughts and feelings, I told her that many times when she left or said that she was meeting someone that I still struggled with suspicion. The difference now, being that I didn't act on it.
That I appreciated that when she gets a text at a suspicious time and I ask "who's that?" that she didn't get defensive and just answered. She validated.
We discussed how when I first brought up that it had been 6 months and her response was "Me too" like this was something beyond her control that was just happening to her. She said that that was not the meaning, that she was letting me know that she hadn't been with anyone. Which lead to how for the first 15 years of MR I would trust anything she said, but that after lying for a year and a half that luxury was gone. She validated.

I added that not wanting to continue a sexual relationship given that there were so many big improvements in the MR was bound to remind me of how easily she had offered up her body in the EA. That I didn't feel it was productive or fair but that I couldn't help seeing a comparison.
She validated and looked very remorseful. No defensiveness at all.

We discussed how we both liked having separate bedrooms.

Much more was said but these are most of the highlights. I shared that some of the recent challenges were necessary to make the changes and that I believed that God had us right where he wanted. She agreed.

I asked for a hug if it wasn't too awkward. She said it was fine and I then I went on my way.

I am glad that I discussed this plan here even if I didn't stick to it 100%.

If you wonder what's next. I have discussed that in the last several posts and plan to stick with it. Feel free to ask for clarifications.