Davide, thanks for your message! After the holidays things thankfully went back to normal. My husband called me a few days after he left and he was complaining about his sore throat and how he couldn't handle it at work. I had no sympathy to offer. We haven't spoken since then. It's really hard to know if he made all those threats when he was here just because he was having a bad day and wanted to take it out on someone or if he really meant them but I'll just wait and see. I still don't have an interest in filing for a divorce I don't want so I still prefer him to file if that's what he wants.
During the first week of the new year I went through a lot of drama with some friends who were having problems and needed support. I also met a few friends and I was so grief-stricken from the difficult holiday experience that I ended up talking a lot and they spent a lot of time listening and providing feedback. Everyone with whom I've spoken still believes my husband will be back and that this is a phase he's going through. One guy who is a mutual friend says he plans to sit down with him later on, once he gets further along in his mid-life crisis or whatever it is, to talk sense into him. Friends from the Middle East say they've seen this situation multiple times and the husband always returns to his wife in the end. Other friends say that I caused this situation myself by being too nice and forgiving throughout this ordeal. I had a lot of thoughts over the past few weeks about my faults and how I need to change myself, but on the other hand I also saw many of my friends who are married with their own faults and how their husbands don't leave them. It's a lot to process.
After talking daily with my closest friend, who is a man, for days-on-end after the holiday ordeal he pretty much convinced and forced me to sign up for a dating app two weeks ago. His argument is that my husband is so far gone that I have to try to meet new people. He kept telling me there's nothing wrong with it, etc.. Somehow I ended up creating a simple profile saying I was interested in friends and single dads....it felt so unnatural. Those of you who followed my thread can probably imagine this isn't really my style. I looked at profiles and it pretty much confirmed what I already suspected about dating. I received many expressions of interest (not sure what they should be called) and among them one guy appeared to be respectable and in a similar situation. He has a daughter the same age, he's separated, and lost hope of reconciling. He's originally from overseas and he has a high profile career that I was able to verify in real life so after a few messages we agreed to meet this week. He said he's happy to meet as friends so we'll meet and I'd be happy to know someone in real life who is going through this experience. I can tell this guy is really benign but aside from him there wasn't even close to even a small chance that'd I'd communicate with anyone else so I don't plan to continue with the app. I think for me if I date after getting divorced it would only be if someone came along that is such a unique fit and so exceptional that there'd be potential for marriage. That isn't to judge any of you who are dating or not dating because it's again a personal decision. I trust that my friend who suggested I do this has my best interest in mind and I'm trying to be more open minded and willing to feel uncomfortable and challenge my own beliefs but it's hard. Maybe I'll reconsider if I find myself divorced. I don't know.
All I can say is that the holidays were just so difficult. As if all those weeks of festivities weren't enough they have to set Valentine's Day as the next holiday. I'm thankful to share everything with my daughter and to offer her all my love but these holidays bring back a lot of memories. I'm sure many of you can relate.
I hope to focus more on posting on all of your threads in the coming days. I look forward to reading more of everyone's updates.
