After getting hit by a massive wave, I thought I'd come back and post a quick update.

So, once I got past the emotional downturn, I took a magnifying glass to see why I was so thrown off course for the day. exW's message included the 'D' word, but it was also full of classic emotional manipulation and that combination hit me hard. She got to my insecurities - don't know if she intended to, but it did anyway. The hit to my insecurities sparked where my failures were in the past and my whole life flashed before me with selectively choosing all the bad memories and what I consider to be my previous weaknesses. All of that made me feel really small as a person and whether I was redeemable or not.

I think her message also got to me as it was a demonstrated rejection from her all over again. Abandonment and rejection have been two of the biggest issues I have had to deal with in my life and so she got me right in the sweet spot. I recognize I still have work to do in building my self-value and personal worth.

However, getting past all of that made me realize that I have a lot more growth to go through. And that moment did catalyze massive growth as I was able to get past that hump with a new found understanding of my emotional health and also a recognition that I have made massive strides in my emotional recovery as I didn't beat myself up for days on end and have a 'woe is me' attitude.

I took 24 hours before I responded back to her. And I did that in the most calm and rational way over email and surprisingly her response was measured and not full of vitriol and more emotional manipulation. I have seen glimpses of that from her after the separation and I don't know if my measured response enabled her to do the same.

Anyways, I am back on solid land and grounded. The S and D processes are moving and hopefully should get wrapped by March at the latest. I am just waiting on paperwork from her and once we have that, it should move quickly.

Thanks everyone as usual for being in my corner. I am feeling more unusually calm and centered now.

No one is coming to save you!