I hope you feel better, TJT. We had stomach bug / flu ravage the Bo household 2nd part of this week. The kids seem to be relatively spared so far, gratefully.
I’ll comment here, and if you want to reply on my thread, please do so I don’t hijack this.
W has mentioned to me in the past that she wanted more frequency / variety of sex / acts over the course of our marriage. For whatever reason, this is an area I’ve struggled with until her initial BD’ing back in February. W and I are / were both virgins when we got MR’d, but over the last couple of years she’s especially been going through a sexual awakening (she’s also gotten into ‘50 Shades of Gray,’ FWIW—either it’s been helpful, or it may have contributed to our present sitch, not sure).
She would ask me about what I would want from her in terms of sex / acts, but also what to wear, and I’ve given her some answers. But she’s also wanted me to think about things more and do some research, and I did, before BD’ing. Admittedly, it would be hard for me to talk about (we never really talked much about sex growing up, and I’m more of a traditional / conservative Catholic, so I’m sure both at least somewhat play a role), but I thought I was improving, at least somewhat. This is something I tried to 180 on for her over the spring / summer, but in the fall she said that I wasn’t improving (of course, this could also be typical WAS speak, that nothing I do is ever good enough, it’s too little too late, etc.)
One thing I’ve also struggled with, but have become much better about, is my own body positivity. It’s been difficult for me to open up about my body and take pride in my body, even though I teach to my students that we are created body AND soul, and as Catholic Christians, we must remember that both are created ‘good.’ One thing that has helped is my losing 30 lbs over the last couple of years—I went from around 210 in early 2016, to currently around 180-ish (and a little below) right now. In terms of goal-setting, and body image, I feel fantastic. This is the most (or least?) I’ve weighed since grad school, and I’ve done most of this through scaling back my portions, eating fewer carbs, more meat and veggies (always been good about eating my veggies), eating more full-fat dairy (seriously—take a look at ‘regular’ vs ‘reduced-fat’ dairy products in terms of ingredients), drinking more water. Not much in terms of working out—which W would ask me about when I would tell her about my progress. I would say ‘hey today is a new low in terms of weight,’ and she would often respond with something about when am I going to start working out—even though she is correct, it is kinda hard to feel supported, and I probably should have communicated that better. I do realize that working out is important, and am trying to be more intentional about that now, as part of GAL and 180ing. I really like my body shape right now; the only things I really am not too big on are my thinning blonde hair up top (try to cut it short to make it look as good as I can), and my pecs have always been kinda big, which makes me feel awkward. But even this morning, as I dressed for church and to take OS to Mass / Sunday school, I looked at myself in the mirror, shirtless, wearing dark blue jeans, a day or two worth of stubble on my face and my hair still relatively short—and I thought to myself, I look pretty freaking good, all things considered. It took until my mid-30s, but I finally feel proud of my body.
I just wish I had someone to give it to right now—currently things are in an SSM, and I get the feeling that things are going to be this way, for a while. I know I’ll survive, even though it is difficult, but I know I need to keep the positive gains body-wise improving, and I’m sure that one day someone will notice and also realize that I’m worthy (I am coming better to terms with my own worthiness in that regard).
