Yorkie... I don’t think you failed in DB terms at all. I think you have been completely, 100% successful. Don’t forget... the goal of DB is to GAL and get back in touch with who you are as an individual and to build a satisfying life without the WAS or with the WAS IF they want to return and IF you want them back. The last part is just a future decision that may or may not have to be made but the middle part... dropping the rope and becoming a better you... that is the real goal of DBing. So you are absolutely a success and should be so proud of yourself. You are definitely a winner!!!
The double life scenario really is a head scratcher, isn’t it? My H did it for four years. It is bizarre why these guys would see that as a better option than to have a conversation and either take steps to save the marriage or end it in an honest, respectful way with both people having the opportunity to contribute to the decision. I have always been an unfailingly honest person in my relationships so that level of deceit is just incomprehensible to me. This has been a big lesson to me. I have to listen to my intuition more and pay more attention to what people do as opposed to what they say. If I had done that, my H’s double life would have ended three and a half years ago. But it is amazing what you can tolerate and convince yourself of when you love someone and you don’t want to lose them.
I am really happy for you Yorkie and you have been a role model for me as well as the voice of reason/reality. You are such a strong and determined person. If you didn’t know that before, I hope you know it now. Looking forward to reading your future updates as you move forward in your journey. (((HUGS)))
