Dealing with a WW and finding my happiness pt. 5

[SoTorn]

Journaling,


Today was a productive day with the GAL and with S11. I got up, got dressed nicely as I usually do and also cleaned my room up. Went for a hair cut with S11 and then afterwards S11 and I went to our favorite indoor karting arena. We have been to this place so many times that we have memberships and we have both started with the beginner karts and graduated to the adult and then to the super karts. These karts are amazing, they top out at 50mph on the straightaways.

We had a wonderful time. We raced a total of 32 laps and boy am I sore. I hold the top time for the month so far and S11 is right behind me. S11 is a great driver and we hope to get him into motorsports by buying him a BMW 135i and making it into a turnkey race car so he can start getting into the sport.

Afterwards we went and ate dinner where D19 works and being nice I picked up food for my WW.

Unfortunately, there was no gratitude from WW. WW went to the grocery store and when we were unloading the groceries from her car I saw a gift in her car from OM. I should have kept my mouth shut but I asked her what it was. She responded extremely angry with "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!" I said, "Ok, I understand" and she asked why I cared. I just responded stating that I don't and never mind, because I truly don't care and yes I should have just STFU. I was just curious to what it was and let my question come out, but there was no anger, it was just a very general sincere question of curiosity.

WW started to fling a huge amount of hate at me. WW again was digging through my closet and my room. No idea WTF she is looking for but I have nothing to hide at all. I am going to get some locks for my doors tomorrow because this is getting out of hand already. WW's level of disrespect for my personal space is staggering. I have stayed out of her room just as she asked and have not once gone back in there to dig through anything.

WW then said "Why do you have to ask that with the kids standing here?" AKA she is very upset that the kids know she has OM. I didn't validate anything I just told her that the kids know the truth already and I again asked her to please stop with the hate and arguing because its pointless and a waste of time at this point.

WW then told me that I need to move where she wants me to move when I move out. I advised her that I would move where it is convenient for the kids and I and asked her to please respect whatever decision I make as to where I want to live. WW then said "The courts will tell you". I know the courts won't force me to live in any specific area. Since WW sort of brought up our D, I just advised her that I was understanding that we were going to do this amicably and that the courts don't force anyone to live anywhere specific. I advised her that an amicable D doesn't have to have the courts decide anything.

WW then said randomly "you know what you are doing". I truly have no idea what she is referring to when she said that. I asked her to clarify what she meant by that and she couldn't. I again advised her that I would be happy to speak with her about logistics, the settlement and custody provided she is not being hateful and mistreating me.

I honestly fear that WW is considering trying to keep me from seeing my kids for some unknown reason. WW then went upstairs and berated D16 who messaged me and told me that WW was being extremely mean to her. WW is obviously in a very bad mood, yet again. D16 actually told me that she feels that WW doesn't want the 50 50 custody because WW doesn't want to have to pay child support to me.

I spoke with D16 and let her know that if it came down to the court deciding custody, due to her age, she can decide where she wants to reside. I advised D16 that if she wanted to live with WW full time that would be fine and I would accept that. D16 told me that she wanted the 50 50 custody that she heard WW speaking with me about a couple of months ago. D16 asked if she could speak with WW and tell her that she would be very upset if WW tried to keep me from having any sort of custody of them.

I advised D16 that if she felt the need to speak with WW that she can absolutely discuss her concerns as long as she isn't mean or hateful about it. D16 left to a friends house because WW was being very mean and short to her.

Again my perspective is that WW is all over the place with her emotions. Unfortunately it is very hard for me to validate because the emotions that WW refers to are worded to berate me, blame shift etc. Again, my feeling that I no longer want to remain in an MR with WW is still very strong. I am trying to be friendly, cordial and nice to her when I see her and she talks to me, but its nearly impossible due to her state of mind to have any sort of rational conversation with her or to have any sort of conversation where she isnt criticizing me, blame shifting, or just plain being ugly. I do not wish to have an R with this woman. I honestly feel that WW will not change and that its truly over between us. Even if WW wanted to R at this moment I would decline because her actions speak very loudly that she is still very much in the fog wherein she believes that I am below her and I am the enemy. My timeline is still intact.