My advice is to get the financial stuff finished ASAP. This is usually a brief moment in time that the WAS feels generous. Fairly quickly financial reality hits them and they start walking back their concessions. Strike while the iron is hot if she's in a generous/ feeling guilty mood and try to get everything done. You can always voluntarily give her more money after the divorce if you feel you got too good a deal.
My advice is to get the financial stuff finished ASAP. This is usually a brief moment in time that the WAS feels generous. Fairly quickly financial reality hits them and they start walking back their concessions. Strike while the iron is hot if she's in a generous/ feeling guilty mood and try to get everything done. You can always voluntarily give her more money after the divorce if you feel you got too good a deal.
Yes I think reality may be setting in. She already wants to cancel some subscription services like home alarm, exterminator and some other things she did not account for. I would love to get a final decree in hand, take back the house but it is on the market and will likely sell by the spring. I want the kids to stay there as long as possible. I don't think she would be ready for a final decree until it sells because she doesn't have the finances to pay for another place yet.
ok that's good about the restraining order with the BF
she may be agreeable to get this over with either way its better for you- and the kids will be safe
Yes I am satisfied but my attorney and I are thinking if there is a long term strategy to that agreement. Once it is a temp order it will be extremely difficult to reverse. We are still perplexed by this.
This is a long marathon and her window of generosity may not remain open too long.
In my situation W was eager to get paperwork over and done with; I wanted to drag it out - some misguided idea of somehow waking her up. Luckily, I listened to some trusted friends, I didn’t push and I didn’t drag. When my L would contact me I made an appointment for his next available day.
I hated signing the final agreement. The feelings of what have I done, what am I doing. Looking back it was the right thing to do. W was proceeding with or without me. Strike while the iron is hot.
I have no regrets with the lessons I’ve learned or the actions I’ve taken. I hope you find yourself at a similar place after getting through a truly mind-boggling time.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I have discussed with atty as well as coach. Financially, she made several miscalculations and I am set much better than she is. She is already backtracking regarding some things. Regarding the rest order, we were all expecting a fight. We came up with 2 theories. 1. She is working now, starting to crawl out and affair is crippled. 2. She intends to ignore order or fight it later in court, which would be difficult. There was quite a demeanor change in her atty as well so some last minute skeletons were likely discussed.
Final decree right now puts me back in the house and at financial disadvantage. I also want the kids to reside there as long as possible. Need to wait it out for a while in order to see how arrangements work. At the same time, build more of a case to get more custody. Her actions over the next couple of months will be revealing. I already have a PI report/testimony that is quite damaging to her.
Things seem to settle a bit after we climbed the "temp orders mountain."
The kids seem to be doing ok. Grades are still good, though some behavioral changes. Affair is still alive and active. W has been nice-ish to me in the few times we have spoken. I am doing well. Burying myself in work and keeping occupied on my time off.
The next phase is discovery, with CC statements, phone logs and written depositions. No telling what that will uncover.
I am glad you are doing well. Burying oneself in work is a good destraction, please be careful not to over do it. I hope occupying your time off has some Hamburg time items and not just chores.
Nice to hear that the kids are doing ok and that grades are not slipping. Yes some behavioural changes are to be expected, they have a lot to sort out and accept as well. Keep loving and supporting your kids, they will find their way, espically with a little guidance from Dad.
The upcoming discovery phase sounds laborious, and very much no telling what may be uncovered.
Stay the course Hamburg, you are doing good.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Had the kids for my week. I miss then immensely. They always bring a smile to my face. They asked me if I am going to marry someone else and I didn't want to discuss it. W has told them she may remarry some day. I don't think that's appropriate to be discussing with kids. Kids asked my again why I took mommy's furniture. No telling what else she is telling them.
Had to drop off suitcases at the house. She's back to her old, angry self. She's insistent I remove items from the garage and demanding to know when. I just told her I don't know and she began fuming. I just kissed kids goodbye and left.
Affair continues to thrive. My birthday as well as valentines day are upcoming and I feel numb about it all. I have had recurring dreams about us reconciling and its put me in a bit of a funk lately. I miss her, I miss coming home to my kids daily.
I am facing things head on. No relationships, trying to avoid distractions. W still has the house, luxury car and not much has changed for her. I fear that when reality hits the kids will suffer. I have to do my part to help them.
